I don't talk a lot about our life in full time ministry, during our first decade of marriage.
Our last staff position was painful, it was filled with confusion and failure. Our dream job turned into a nightmare. We were isolated across the country from friends and family.
Anxiety became our companion and fear our partner.
It's been several years since we made the decision to quit that job, sell our home and move close to family.
It was our greatest leap of faith.
We lived without a job in a borrowed home for six months.
It was a scary time, but is now one my most treasured seasons.
During those months, we struggled with our identity, but we healed. It was a slow process, but we realized God had not forgotten us.
I like to think I'm over it.
Over the unanswered questions, the why's, the abuse.
And then when I least expect it, there it is.
During Family Camp, the camp speaker talked about when God doesn't make sense. He shared his own painful journey and spoke to the unanswered and often unspoken questions that we all have.
He spoke of the unwritten script our lives.
And the pain resurfaced.
Life is about free choice. We all have the power of choice. And we love this! I love the freedom to decide for myself. I would never give it away.
But when I think of my children having free choice, to decide whatever they want, I'm not quite as confident in this great freedom. Because I like control. I like freedom for me, but not for everyone else.
I can't control what others choose. I can't stop the poor choices my kid's might make, or worse, of an evil person.
I can't have my free choice, but not allow it for others.
That's why our life is unscripted. God knows what we will choose, but He lets us choose.
And sometimes those choices, ours or others, aren't the best.
God allows pain into our lives because He is more concerned with our character than with our comfort or convenience. He can take man's poor choices and rewrite the script of our lives.
It is God's mystery.
And we have a choice: we can kick and scream our way through a difficult situation or we can say God is in this.
Because He is good.
We can see Him in the midst of our pain.
In the script of our lives.
What is your life saying today?
