You Might Want to Read This First

My oldest child (who thinks she is much older than I think), has been begging to attend our 4-day out-of-state church camp for years.

But I am a weenie when it comes to being away from my kids.

She thinks she's getting her way without realizing that I'm maintaining a little of the control.

Since the camp is only an hour and half from my in-laws farm, we dropped her off yesterday. Her clothes neatly labeled and sorted in zip-lock bags.

Yes, I am THAT Mom.

We left our son and toddler with the grandparents and are staying for three WHOLE days at a Bed 'n Breakfast, less than an hour from all of our kids. 

I need to say that again, BY OURSELVES.

This is our 15th year of marriage, so obviously, we are celebrating it.

I mean, I'm celebrating in-between sudden urges to grab a child's hand, wipe a nose and lick my finger to clean a sticky mouth.

My 2.5 year old is the youngest child on my hubby's side. The next youngest is my 7 year old son. I totally trust my mother-in-law, but only thought it was fair to offer her step-by-step instructions for handling a toddler. Because some assembly is required:

How-To Assemble: 

Clothing must be pink in nature. Subject tends to move quickly, so a firm hold is necessary. Subject will remove assembly every time you blink. Don't blink. (see figure a)

                                                                                        

How-To Extend Battery Life:

Subject loves food, but does not enjoy the same thing twice. It is not uncommon to prepare a complete meal and it remain untouched. Subject will always consume M&M's, or food on a necklace (see figure b)                            

                                                                                      

How-To Replace Batteries:

Subject will run low on battery power after noon and evening feedings. The best way to recharge said batteries is unplugging subject. Read instructions to subject in sing-song voice, cover with favorite filthy blanket, shut door and run.

                                                                                                    

How-To Clean:

Cleaning is a top priority in the long term satisfaction of your new subject. Bubbles are a key ingredient. Adult supervision is required. Goggles and plenty of towels are suggested. Repeat as needed, as subject likes to break open ink pens with her mouth. (see figure c).

How-To Miscellaneous:                                                                           

Subject is prone to loud, frequent outbursts. This is completely normal and expected. If subject thrashes on the floor, carefully step over them and resume normal activity. This may last for several minutes and is not covered under warranty.

Most of all, handle with care.

Love your daughter in-law,