Monday

You Might Want to Read This First

My oldest child (who thinks she is much older than I think), has been begging to attend our 4-day out-of-state church camp for years.

But I am a weenie when it comes to being away from my kids.

She thinks she's getting her way without realizing that I'm maintaining a little of the control.

Since the camp is only an hour and half from my in-laws farm, we dropped her off yesterday. Her clothes neatly labeled and sorted in zip-lock bags.

Yes, I am THAT Mom.

We left our son and toddler with the grandparents and are staying for three WHOLE days at a Bed 'n Breakfast, less than an hour from all of our kids. 

I need to say that again, BY OURSELVES.

This is our 15th year of marriage, so obviously, we are celebrating it.

I mean, I'm celebrating in-between sudden urges to grab a child's hand, wipe a nose and lick my finger to clean a sticky mouth.

My 2.5 year old is the youngest child on my hubby's side. The next youngest is my 7 year old son. I totally trust my mother-in-law, but only thought it was fair to offer her step-by-step instructions for handling a toddler. Because some assembly is required:

How-To Assemble
Clothing must be pink in nature. Subject tends to move quickly, so a firm hold is necessary. Subject will remove assembly every time you blink. Don't blink. (see figure a)

                                                                                        
How-To Extend Battery Life:
Subject loves food, but does not enjoy the same thing twice. It is not uncommon to prepare a complete meal and it remain untouched. Subject will always consume M&M's, or food on a necklace (see figure b)                            
                                                                                      
How-To Replace Batteries:
Subject will run low on battery power after noon and evening feedings. The best way to recharge said batteries is unplugging subject. Read instructions to subject in sing-song voice, cover with favorite filthy blanket, shut door and run.
                                                                                                    

How-To Clean:
Cleaning is a top priority in the long term satisfaction of your new subject. Bubbles are a key ingredient. Adult supervision is required. Goggles and plenty of towels are suggested. Repeat as needed, as subject likes to break open ink pens with her mouth. (see figure c).


How-To Miscellaneous:                                                                           
Subject is prone to loud, frequent outbursts. This is completely normal and expected. If subject thrashes on the floor, carefully step over them and resume normal activity. This may last for several minutes and is not covered under warranty.

Most of all, handle with care.

Love your daughter in-law,

49 comments:

Kim said...

She is STINKIN' adorable! I hope your in-laws survive unscathed! : )

Enjoy your getaway.

Anne Alagna said...

Hahahahaha! That is awesome! They should come out of the womb with instructions like that!

Have a great trip! Enjoy your alone time! Resist the urge to cut hubbys food into tiny little pieces and feed them to him. And DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT wipe his face for him. Enjoy being a woman again and not just a mom!

HUGS!

itsavivasthing said...

See...you're a better woman than I am...I've been going to camp with my kids as the youth leader for four years now! Funny thing is...they actually like it!

runninggal said...

Getting away for anniversaries is essential! Guess we'll have another "I love my hubby" post coming our way from you soon.

www.runninggalinsights.blogspot.com

Michelle said...

This is great! I loved your detailed How-To instructions . . . I'm there with ya. :-)

Dining Table Teacher said...

I always send my kids clothes to camp in ziploc bags. It keeps them dry & clean. We're so smart.

se7en said...

You are so brave!!! Lovely post! I hope you all have a great time.

Mylestones said...

My youngest is also 2.5 yrs so I can offer a hearty amen to your timeless instructions!
Have fun!

Lori said...

Hilarious! My little girl would get along just fine with your daughter. :)

Have a great week!

southerninspiration said...

Oh, DO have fun...I hope you're somewhere cooler than TEXAS!!!! It's hot.

Suzanne

Rebecca said...

Last time we got away and left my parents in charge of the kids, I checked an e-mail from my mom that said, "We've had a few little things happen, but we'll discuss all of that when you return." My brain was thinking, "Were the kids disrespectful? Did they tell all of our family secrets? What were these little 'incidents'?!"

Got home...10 year old with broken arm. Parents handled it beautifully.

Don't worry: they raised your husband and you loved how he turned out so much, you married him. Enjoy your get-away!

Mindy said...

Priceless, Kristen. Thank you for your take on life...so enjoy catching you in the middle of it every day...blessings on your "getaway!" mindy

Wifeof1Momof4 said...

That IS so cute!!! Clever, very clever.

Celebrate good times c'mon ... have a great three days!

Reflections in My Mirror said...

Have a great time with your husband!! I hope you take advantage of it!! Congrats on being together for 15 years!! What a great reason to get away (kinda!) Your kiddos will survive and you will enjoy seeing them more when you get back!
Have Fun!!

Jenn @ A Country Girl's Ramblings said...

LOVED the creativity of this post! Totally adorable and put a huge smile on my face!

taradon said...

Woo-hoo! Time to yourselves! Enjoy the break. With the great instructions you provided, the in-laws will have no trouble at all. =)

dina said...

Have an amazing three days away! What a gift that you have in-laws who are willing/able to care for your younger children! We so miss that!

Ugh - you should have seen me the first summer now eldest went away to camp FOR THE WHOLE SUMMER to work! I thought I'd have a panic attack when she first broached the subject. But here she is once again - gone for the summer... and only a year before she's heading off to college! Sniff! Time flies so stinking fast!

Shannon said...

LOVE this! :)

Mommyto3K's said...

I too am a weenie when it comes to being away from my kids. I've never been away from the baby and the only other place the other 2 have been to without me is my parent's house and they live about 20 mins from me:-) Enjoy your time away and congrats on 15yrs. That's awesome. By the end of the 3 days you will be so ready to resume your day job aka being a Mommy:-)

Empty Nest Full Life said...

You are going to have a great time. I remember the first time I left my son for a whole 6 days at camp, just like it was yesterday. He is now 21. It does get easier. Have a wonderful 15 year celebration. Jackie

Monica said...

Love this! Very creative!

Just Us said...

u are brave! in october i will be checking into the hospital for a couple of days for a c-section. although i will be blissfully distracted (a.k.a. blissfully exhausted)i dread the time away from my other kids. i think i might borrow some of ur instructions - as they so accurately apply to mine and give them to my wonderful mother-in-law. :)

Brenis said...

Toooo funny!! Love the instructions!! Our youngest would dissasemble every time we blinked too! LOL As well as all the other goodies on the list! haha cracking me up!
Hope you have an incredibly wonderful time ALL BY YOURSELVES at the B&B!!! Try not to talk about the kids!!

Grateful for Grace said...

That is probably your funniest post. Very clever!!

Robin said...

So funny! Enjoy your time away! Hope your mother-in-law survives your toddler!

mistress pink said...

lol , love the post , have fun with your hubby .

honeysuckle said...

Your post was priceless and shows how much you love your daughter. Have a fantastic time and don't worry, we grandmother's know a thing or two about children too!

The Crazy Suburban Mom said...

lol, Im so like that :) and loved the pictures :)

tracy

Jen said...

Have a super time on your trip! My MIL always thought I was kinda crazy for sending "instructions" with the girls, but I never thought to include photos. How cute!

Brandi said...

You are brave! I'm a worrier, I couldn't go anywhere overnight without my kids and maintain my sanity. Besides, the very FIRST time I left my MIL alone with my kids just for the day, my 4 year old broke his arm. Hope you read the comments AFTER your celebration! Happy Anniversary! :-)

Staci said...

You always have the best one liners. My favorite: If subject thrashes on the floor, carefully step over them and resume normal activity. This may last for several minutes and is not covered under warranty.

Have fun.

Jaden Paige said...

Those pictures are awesome! What a cutie!

Hope you enjoy your time away! :)

JanMary said...

LOL!

Does she come with a money back guarantee?

Genny said...

Hi Kristen,

This was too funny. And I'm completely a weenie when it comes to being away from my kids too.

I'm starting something new for moms over at my blog today and I'd love for you to pop by if you have a minute. I know you'd have great input. :) I always love your insights.

Genny

Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates said...

SO funny!! That was great! Happy Anniversary and I hope you have a wonderful time away all by yourselves! :)

Huriya said...

hilarious yet true! love your take on life and kids

Michelle said...

Great post!

Enjoy your time to yourselves. Congratulations on 15 years of marriage! That is quite the accomplishment!

You have to update us on how camp was for your oldest. I went to week long overnight summer camps with church in grades 6-10 and some of my best childhood memories happen there. I think my 9 year old may be old enough next year to give it a try!

Just Breathe said...

Hope you enjoy your three days.
Love the instructions!

grannyann said...

Loved your post. Hope you have a great time.

Happy said...

So creatively written and funny! Have a good time this week! Enjoy being away from, but yet comfortably close to your children!

Norse, Jesica, and Boden said...

Congrats! I hope you enjoy your anniversary celebrations!

lbradshaw said...

Too funny!! Enjoy celebrating your anniversary! Good luck to the in-laws!

Bridget said...

We've been missing you guys! :) Have a great trip...enjoy that ALONE time (so jealous). Come back soon and meet our new kittens!!!

chili pepper said...

Too funny. This first time I left my kids for a trip alone with my husband...I typed menus, left numbers, instructions, money, stocked the fridge...the whole bit...We have been going away without the kids every year since...this year I left some cash and said you know my cell phone number but only call if someone is going to the hospital...

Eileen said...

Have a WONDERFUL time!!!

Alexia said...

Those are the best instructions I've ever read!

HAVE FUN!

Domestic Accident said...

Kristen, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Hope we don't hear from you for three glorious days!

Hillcrest Cottage said...

Oh my...mother-in-law will have a blast. What a cutie your little girl is!

Lynn said...

This post is so fun! Loved every picture and piece of advice. So true....