Grace-Based Parenting Q & A Giveaway

*UPDATED* Congratulations to 3 Cookie Day! You just won an awesome book. Thanks for leaving questions/answers. I wish I had answers to all your questions. I am learning to accept my kid's natures more and to err on the side of grace.

I've had some pretty tough jobs in my life.

I was a Children's Pastor for 8 years and it was challenging, especially since I wasn't a Mom and I knew it all. I sold sandwiches out of the back of my car for a catering company to make extra money.  It wasn't fun. I didn't even get free food. Just plenty of humiliation. 

But by far, parenting has been my most difficult job.

And the most rewarding.

But there are days (like this one) where I just need answers.  

I love Dr. Tim Kimmel's Grace-Based Parenting books because besides sound Biblical teaching, there are practical answers to some really tough questions.  Family Matters has a question and answer page and I find it fascinating.  Here are some questions, click on them for the answer

This is what Grace-Based Parenting looks like:
Q:My kids get up 3 to 4 times after I’ve put them to bed. It’s driving me nuts. It takes me an hour and a half to get them to sleep. What should I do?


My child’s friends at school are all seeing a movie that I’m not sure I want my child to see. They are always talking about it at school and my child is feeling left out and disconnected from his friends. What can I do?


I want to know how to let my 10 year old son know that he needs to help his dad around the house and not play with his friends. This is real important to his dad. I also want to not worry about him when he is with friends. Please help.


My 7yr old little boy, was offered to pray for salvation by me (his mom) the other day, and he said, "I'm not sure if I believe or not yet mom"... I have really been disturbed! Should I be?


How old should my child be when I give him the sex talk?


What do you think about Harry Potter books?


My teenaged son has a job. He works just about every moment he's not going to school or doing homework. I'm not sure where the balancing line is in this whole area of kids working. What do you think?


It seems like every weekend, one or more of our kids wants to spend the night at a friends house (or have them stay at ours). They have great friends from great families, but it just seems to be every weekend, without exception, our family is either smaller or bigger. Do you know what I'm referring to?


In light of the violent attacks by students against fellow students on our high school campuses, what do you think are the vital components to raising kids who don't snap and self-destruct?


My son wants to pierce his ears and bleach his hair. I'd rather he would not. But I don't know whether this is a battle worth fighting. What do you think?


Now that the holiday season is here, how do we keep our kids from getting the greedies and keep the focus on Christ?

Today, leave a question you'd like answered in the comment section or an answer to someone else's question and maybe we can help each other out!  You'll be entered to win the book, Raising Kids who Turn Out Right by Dr. Kimmel (please leave comments by Wednesday 10 pm (CST) and I will announce the winner on Thursday.

Raising Kids Who Turn Out Right
If you want to raise a kid who can stand strong in a hostile world, you have to build them from the inside out.

For more great tips, visit Works for Me Wednesday!


Natalie said...

I want to know how to get my strong willed little girl (age almost 5) to obey without breaking her strong will that will one day prevent her from just "following the crowd."

Crayl said...

I want to know the same thing as Natalie, but for an 8 year old boy....and is it too late for my 18 year old daughters?

Grammy said...

My kids are grown now. But I bought all of William Backus books I could find. They open your eyes to good ways of learning and teaching the kids and your self. There is a religious base to the books. But I also bought most of Norman V Peale too. I have never read any of Dr. Kimmel's books.
Thanks for telling me about them.

Anonymous said...

I LOVED Grace Based Parenting!

CanCan (MomMostTraveled) said...

My son's teacher says he is disrespectful to his classmates. How do I teach a four year old how to act towards his peers when I am not around to correct him immediately?

Shannon said...

I could really use that book!

Sarah said...

I would like the question about Christmas answered, we really try, but the excitement of it all... they sometimes forget.

Thank you!

Judy said...

Here's one:

My 9 year old is at the point where he plays with kids in our neighborhood on a regular basis. How can I make sure he isn't being influenced by any negative behavior of his friends' and gain confidence in believing he is positively impacting these other childrens' lives?

Does that make sense?

Lu said...

I'm right there with Natalie. I have a very strong and independent child. He is very high spirited and charismatic! I don't want to crush his spirit of life, but he needs to become a little grounded so that he'll realize that Momma and Daddy know best.

Love this giveaway! I have wanted to read this book for a while!

Ally said...

I would love to know how to teach my 9 year old how to have contentment and not always worry what everyone else has.

Sherry said...

How do I teach my 13 y.o. girl to have a better attitude and to do her best not her least?

Courtney said...

I have a 3 year old son (almost 4)who is extremely hyperactive. I know most 3 year olds have some degree of hyperactivity but my son's is definitely excessive. Everyone has an opinion about what I should or shouldn't do to help him. I, myself, am not sure what the best thing to think or do about it is. Also, I think the stress of it all is making me a not so good mom, which definitely does not help him.

Tammy said...

My 9 year old son is very bright but has NO self-confidence. Even when asked simple tasks such as "can you please set the table", I get a response "I-I-I think so".

I am definitely his cheerleader but how do I instill more self confidence in him?

amanda said...

I have a 3 year old son (almost 4). We (husband, son and I) have been saying prayers at dinner and before bed for a while now, but just recently, my son just wants to rush through them. How do we communicate to him that prayer is an important thing and not something to rush through?

Anonymous said...

I would like to know how to teach my children about servitude. I certainly feel I am modeling it, but I'm still getting lots of grumbles when asking for help around the house.

Amber, that's me! said...

Our strong willed son is very active and a total BOY! He has a hard time with staying in bed and it has become a major fight most nights. I read on the answer page that it is "we" that have a problem with him staying in bed! I would also like some help with getting him to talk nicely when he gets upset. He yells and talks in such a grouchy voice.

Rachel said...

My children are 10(boy), 8(girl), 5(girl), and 2(boy) with another baby girl due in early December. Nearly every concern I have regarding the kids has been mentioned already (outside influences, discipline, sleep habits, etc).

I think my greatest challenge is dealing with well-meaning Grandparents who think we should let the kids do this or that and don't seem to respect the decisions that we've made for our children. I think that deep down they feel if we don't parent the way they did, that we must think that they "did it wrong". I feel that things are so different than they were 20 or 30 years ago, that they are just out of touch with the reality of the situation.

My mom is very persistent when it comes to her opinions on parenting, probably because she is still trying to parent me (at age 30).

My mother-in-law is a big time supporter of homeschooling (which we do) but doesn't see why I don't want my kid watching certain shows or playing with children that behave badly or kids that I've never even met.

Luckily I read a few articles in TEACH magazine today that supported my decisions, so I've sent them on to her.

Jenn said...

I would like to attempt to answer some of the questions from those who have stated they have strong willed children. Before I do that though I just want to say I'm not an expert. Just a mom with 4 children 3 of them boys! One of my sons tends to have a stronger will than the others. We struggled with this when he was younger. What we did was to set our family boundaries. We made sure they knew the rules of our home. For example, Speak kindly, keep belongings picked up, help when asked, etc. You can even write up a chart and have your children decorate it. Make your choice of rules simple and limit it to 3 to 5. Then once they understand what is expected of them, tell them what the discipline will be for a broken rule. Maybe a time-out or no T.V., extra chores around the house, etc. The key is consistency. They need to know the boundaries. What is acceptable behavior and what isn't. You will not break their spirit by doing this. It will give them the guidance they need. Children can't raise themselves. They need a firm guiding hand of a parent. One more thing when you have to discipline explain to them simply why they are receiving the correction. You may even have to police the who situation to make sure the discipline is obeyed. Parenting takes time, but the rewards are so tremendous!

Lori said...

How do I deal with my 4 year-old's attitude when she is uber grumpy and resembles a 14 year-old? I want her to have a happy heart and it's hard to turn around her bad moods. Help.

KO said...

I have heard a few times in different parenting workshops to have your children's friends over to your house so that you can a) welcome unsaved children into your home and b)see how they are playing, what kind of language is being used, etc. You can help monitor that if necessary. Maybe once a week invite your sons friends over so you can know them too.

Also, any behavior change in your son that he picks up from those friends will manifest soon enough. You'll know. Then you can talk with him about what kind of behavoir/language etc. your family expects/aims for. It's tricky because you don't want him to look down on other kids because of their behavoir (ie "our family is 'better' than yours" kind of thing), but its good to reinforce what your family is building with him.

Hope that's helpful!!

chandy said...

How can I gently rebuke my very sensitive daughter without crushing her feelings?

aggiemomof2 said...

Where's the line between being shy and being rude? My 4 year old boy ducks his head or hides behind my leg when anyone speaks to him. We teach good manners at home. He says "please" and "thank you" but refuses to acknowledge other adults. My husband was shy growing up, but I want our son to come out of his shell enough to not be considered rude! I also don't want to punish a natural behavior that he can't help.

3cookieday said...

I'd love to see the answer to the last question...about the Christmas season. And also what they think of Halloween.


Tree Climbing Mom said...

How do I help my 6 year old son find the courage to speak to adults, i.e ask/answer questions in safe settings where I am nearby? (Obviously this doesn't include talking to icky stranger types when I am not around)

Jessica D. said...

I have a grumpy 2 year old who is whinny most days. I wonder if it's her nature. Help!

Shanna said...

Hi, I would like to know what is the best way to handle bad behavior in the vehicle? I've tried countless way to regain control and usually lose. It might be two of them fighting, it might be one of them having a fit cause they don't like where we are going or the route I've chosen or it could be just one of them picking on another.

I have a boy (3) and twin girls (2).

Since I have to have so many car seats and getting them in and out can be hassle, I've taken the middle row out of our van and put all three of them in the back row.


Erica said...

Christmas: This is an answer to those of you who struggle with the balance between Christmas being about Christ and Christmas being fun and having presents. We don't stop decorating and having presents; in fact, we do more presents and more decorating, and it helps our kids to understand why we have Christmas.

The extra decorations are a few birthday decorations (with the proper colors and decor, of course; we're not THAT tacky!) for Jesus' birthday. The extra presents are for other children. The kids get to pick out something they want to buy for someone their age to take to a shelter or something because even though we like getting presents for Jesus' birthday there are other kids who don't get to. We'll also bake a birthday cake for Jesus and eat it with the other pies and such at the festivities. It doesn't mean the kids won't want stuff, but it puts it in perspective for them. Also, before we open a single present we read the story of Christ's birth from Luke 2. We just always point back to why we're celebrating. It's a bigger celebration than ever, but with meaning. Hope that helps!

Anonymous said...

My two year old has insane tantrums and a tenacious nature. How do I help deal with the tantrums and channel the tenaciousness in a way that will pu him on the path to being a Godly man?

LifeAtTheCircus said...

I appreciate Dr Kimmel's approach to child raising and would love to read this and his other books. I don't have one particular burning question to ask, but I am looking for help in handling the temper tantrums of my 2 year old with grace.

the worstest mommy said...

How do you teach children that it's not important who's the best dressed or most liked at school, but what they do for other people that's most important.

Groovewoman ♫ said...

I would like to know... How to keep my 21 month old son from dumping his plate out onto the tray or throwing it onto the floor when he isn't interested in it anymore!

Anna said...

Jenn has some good thoughts for Natalie, and I'd like to add to that.
One those boundaries are set, the key for us has been to work *with* your child, listen carefully, say yes when you can, and be respectful in turn TO your child.
All of that has let the creativity and strong wills coexist, while keeping everyone safe and courteous.

Loving Heart Mommy said...

My son Gabriel is 20 months old and I have a hard time getting him to follow simple commands, he just goes on babbling. For example: I'll ask him to bring me his cup, a toy, his diaper etc... and he knows what the objects are we "study" them every day with him. Maybe its an independant thing, he does what he wants when he wants? Communication is tough for a child under the age of 2, I guess. LOL

kristinia AT

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