I've Never Been More Determined Not to Bleed

My kids love animals. 

No, I don't think you understand.

They love animals more than your kids do. I'm not just talking about cute baby animals. Or cats and dogs. They have an obsession with half-dead lizzards and rabid raccoons. 

They aren't a respecter of animal life form. 

Every time I turn around, they are asking for a new pet. I'm a sensitive Mom, "Go play with your cats. You have a rabbit. Fine, draw a picture of an animal or take this piece of thread for a walk. I am not buying another pet." 

You may recall, we aren't the best pet owners. So, I have to draw the line.

That's when they told me they were saving their money to buy their own pet. 

And that's when I patronizingly patted them on the arm and said, "If you save enough money, we'll see."

I'm the tooth fairy in this house. And it looks like she's in a recession. Heh.

Well. It turned out that the little darlings were serious. 

Because they pooled their money together (all $8.43 of it) and bought this the last time we were at Lowe's:

A Venus FlyTrap.

Oh, you haven't heard the best part! 

According to my kids, there are five traps on this one plant. Let me introduce you to JoJo, Lilly, Scooter, Sonja and Rose.

My kids keep referring to themselves as their parents.

And to me as Grandma.

I'm so proud.

They rush in from school and check to see who's mouth is open. Then they go on a hunt. 

"Don't you want to go outside and catch a bug?" I suggested, not daring to turn my back on Venus and all the little von traps.

"Nope," my son said with confidence. He walked over to the dining room window and said, "I can find all the bugs I need right here."

And that's when I remembered feeling like this.

"Honey, would you please feed JoJo? She's getting fussy," my daughter asked her husband. I mean, my grandson. No, I mean, her brother. 

"It's hard work being an adult," he said.

You have know idea, I thought eyeing my bug-filled window sills. 

And it turns out that I'm expected to give a full report to the parents when they get home from school. 

I don't trust the thing. It's as simple as that.

It keeps giving me the Evil Eye. I'm just waiting for Scooter to say, "feed me."

That's when we'll go back to drawing our pets on paper.

*Update* I'm sad to report that Rose got the 'black spot disease' and died a painful death (which is my kid's way of saying it withered). We said some nice words over her. But in happy news, Tulip is expecting (which is my kid's way of saying there are two new sprouts).


Rachel said...


too funny. you are raising some amazingly adorable people.

Muthering Heights said...

Oh, the anthropomorphic drama of carnivorous plants... enjoy their imaginations! :)

Bobbi Janay said...

Wow, is all I can say I think I would be to freaked out to let Ian have a "pet" like that.

*TARA* said...

I agree with Rachel . Reading this post has made my night. Thank you for sharing. So funny. :o)

Jamie Mehan said...

You know, in the long run this could totally save you some money for Christmas and birthday gifts. Instead of spending tons of moolah on great toys, just get the kids dead bugs to feed your precious grandchildren/pet. You wouldn't even have to go to the store!

Fabulous, fabulous, fabulous story! Sounds like it could come straight from our house!

ginger said...

And I thought my kids were bad, I mean, imaginative! ;) Yours take the cake. (Or should I say insect?) Wow!

Kris said...

Such wonderful imaginations...all of you!! Congratulations

Jennifer Harris said...

Wow, that's too funny! I never knew Lowe's had venus fly traps. I couldn't sleep at night with one of those in my house, however, simply b/c that movie Little Shop of Horrors gave me nightmares as a kid!!

Karla said...

That is hilarious!! Your kids are absolutely adorable!! Thanks for the great read! :)

~Karla @ It's The Little Things...

Maddy said...

Insects and kids, need we say more?

It's a Vivas Thing said...

Oh my funny! "Feed Me" is a constant quote in this house!

everydayMOM said...

Oh my... that would definitely freak me out to be grandma to a Venus Fly trap. There's just something so weird about a plant with teeth.

But at least it doesn't have legs. I would put it on the top of the refrigerator when the kids were gone so it couldn't see me... or maybe in their closet!

Patti said...

Wow! so if I'd gotten a Venus fly trap for my kids maybe we wouldn't have the 6, no 5 snake escape artists & tarrantula? Might be a reasonable trade!

Great post!

Brigid said...

I so missed the boat on this one. We head out in Wednesday to get my daughter her new "fancy rat.". I think a flytrap would have been a better choice!

Jeanette said...

That is a perfect choice for a pet. You never have to take it out to go potty and you don't have to clean up after the messes it leaves :} At my house we only have pet rocks (another great idea for your kids). I don't mind being called "grandma" to a rock named George :}

Jessica said...

That's so funny!! You've got some pretty imaginative and brave little kids!! Good luck with Rose's birth. Hopefully there will be no more outbreaks of black spot disease. ;)

Jen said...

Too funny! I've actually been thinking about getting one of these for my kids, who knew they were at Lowes? I'm not too sure that we need any new additions, though. Right now we have 4 fish, a hamster (who was supposed to go back to school but has not), a turtle, a couple of stray cats, a worm farm and two snail farms. Hmm, when I list it all I think we have plenty right now. lol

Bridget said...

I love this! :) Maybe we should chip in and buy a big one to get all of the mosquitoes outside!

And, I ♥ Little Shop of Horrors!!!

grannyann said...

Such a neat post, grandma. I don't trust a VFT. Do they eat fingers? Stay alert.

Lara said...

LOL!!! Very funny...LOL!

Lori said...

I'm right there with you. That would creep me out to have in my house too!

Evil Eye said...

Interesting! Stay away from evil eye!

Nicole said...

Hysterical! They are such characters! I never know what to expect when I visit your blog every day and it is always a hoot! Yeah, I was really creeped out by that thing in LIttle Shop of Horrors as well. :)

La said...

My 8 year old son wants one of those too! His dad has promised him one as a reward for meeting a Bible memory goal. Gross!!!

Amber @ Classic Housewife said...

Oh, this is priceless!

The first thing I thought of was Little Shop of Horrors, too! BUT.. seriously?? That has got to be the BEST. PET. EVER.

No walking, no bathing, no vet visits, no shots, no meds, no running away, no "they got eaten by a bigger dog", no "they ate a smaller dog", no pee stains, no scratched furniture, no chewed up shoes,...


skyesofblue said...

I just love this post, how funny is this. I remember those plants & your "Little Shop of Horrors" was a great example. Thank you for making me laugh today.

Robin said...

This was hilarious! Now I'm thinking about trading our puppy for one of these bug eating plants. Plants don't have to go potty at 5 AM!!!

Anonymous said...

They have GOT to name the sproutlets Seymour and Audrey.

Michelle said...

How funny! I didn't realize kids treated plants as pets. We had to get rid of our goldfish when we moved and luckily the past month my son has not been begging for another. I hope that lasts :-)

Your Frugal Friend, Niki said...


I had one of these as a kid. I bought it at Acme with my own money while my mom was grocery shopping. My mom fed it some questionable minute steaks from the depths of our freezer once and it died. Ooops!


Laura said...

Oh, that is too funny!! I love that they called you "Grandma".

Lady Pamela said...

Congtatulations 'Grandma'. I had a Flytrap when I was a kid and thought it was lots of fun.

Miss Meliss said...

that is just too darn funny!!! OMG!

Anonymous said...