Men's Week- When My Marriage Fell Apart

This post is For Women Only.

Just like the book titled, For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. (I'm giving it away, today!)

I read this book the week after Thanksgiving in November of 2005. 

I remember the date exactly because it was the week my marriage fell apart.

Yeah.  It surprised me too.

There had been a crack in the wall of my marriage. I didn't see it or want to see it and then one day, after 11 years, the whole thing crumbled.

It was horrible.  It was the first time that love didn't seem to be enough.  

We had issues and problems and pain.  There were tears and fights and disappointments.

(Because Google is forever, I won't go into details, but just for the record, this was very serious, but did not involve a third party).

Our marriage hung precariously over the edge of a cliff and we had one choice to make:  Give it a nudge or hang on for dear life.

But we dug in our heels, went to counseling for months and decided to rebuild the walls of our marriage.  One stone at a time.

During those months, I lost weight and my appetite.  I mourned the loss of something I never had:  the perfect marriage.

We talked, cried, prayed.  And we forgave.

We also read.  A lot.  One of the most helpful books for me was For Women Only:  What you need to know about the inner lives of men.  

I entered my marriage as a naive young girl.  And I didn't know very much about men. I think this book impacted me so much because it explained how men think.  Even after more than a decade married to a good man, I didn't truly understand the way God had created him. 

The book is filled with facts, statistics, national surveys, and interviews with men.  The entire thing was an eye-opening revelation for me.  

I don't usually endorse books, but this one is amazing for women (and not just naive ones with endangered marriages)  I would recommend every woman read it!

But the most important part of our rebuilding, was prayer and divine help from God.  He walked with us through the valleys.   

But we had to invite Him.

I know that you may have ascertained an opinion of my marriage before reading this post.  And I don't blame you.  Some readers have even commented about our 'perfect marriage' or 'how much we love each other.'  And while it's not perfect or even close, it is good.  

But, mainly because for awhile, it was very bad.

And I love him more deeply and we share more intimacy because of the bad.

So if today finds you in a crumbling marriage, please be encouraged. It can be rebuilt, even if your surrounded by broken dreams.

If your marriage is strong and secure, be thankful and remember to seal the cracks as they occur.

Many people don't know that we nearly lost it all.  My hubby and I feel challenged to share our testimony as opportunities are presented.  It helps fortify the walls, ya know?

As you might imagine, just typing this post has made me feel vulnerable.  So, virtual ((hugs)) are accepted and appreciated.

And give your marriage a big boost by buying your hubby, For Men Only:  A Straightforward Guide to the Lives of Woman.

He may be surprised to learn more about you.

Leave a comment by 10 pm (CST) tonight and you'll be entered to win a free copy of For Women Only!

Food for the Soul:
John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."


Janel said...

Thank you for sharing that, Kristen. I send you big hugs. Marriage is just hard sometimes. I am so very glad you guys are on the other side of that issue. So very glad. May God continue to richly bless you and your husband.

I read this book. I keep it in my bathroom and read it over and over again - especially when things get rough or I forget who he is created to be. Which is more than I would like to admit.

Don't enter me since I already have the book, but I definitely recommend it , too. And it is short and sweet. Anyone has time to read it. Even a mom with 4 kids!

Tonya said...

I've done the Bible study of this book and I hear reading it is different. I would love to win this!!! I know what it feels like to have your marriage hanging by a thread, unfortunately.

Grateful for Grace said...

((((Kristen))) Your honesty (once again, but in a different way this time) is much appreciated. I am very blessed to have a strong marriage (due mostly to how wonderful the man is). I am interested in this book, though. May God give you many, many more years of marital bliss!!!
in Him,

Marie said...

I hope someday to find the balance you show in your writing. I've just started blogging and would love to feel the freedom to share like you do. Keep it up and thanks for the great example.

3cookieday said...

Thank you for sharing that. I know marriages can look great on the outside, but are not so great on the inside. I will buy & read this book if I don't win the giveaway. It sounds like a book I need to read!

Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates said...

Kristin, consider this a HUGE virtual hug! Thank you so much for sharing this. I do have a strong marriage, but know that it will take the Lord and work to keep it that way. I am SO glad that the Lord brought you through that stressful trial.

What a wonderful encouragement to others. I really hope lots of people read this post and decide to give their marriages one more chance and realize that God has to be in it for it to work.

And yay that I won the golf set! Perhaps I will have to turn my son into the most annoying golf partner this summer...heh, heh. :)

World's Greatest Mommy said...

I completely understand. It's easy to feel great about where you are at, but we have only to look at where we were to know that we couldn't have made it alone.

Love your post. Your words on marriage ring so true. The dark times make the bright ones so much sweeter. And make you so much more aware of just exactly how much you could lose.

jennifer said...

May I say, NOT what I expected when I clicked over here?

But appreciated.

I am thankful that the two of you were able to work through a tough time. And now look at you... you are witnessing about what God did in your marriage and showing how He is able to heal.

Kristen, thank you. It takes a lot of courage to share the hurts and the kinks in life, when you are normally someone who evokes giggles and brings sunshine.

I understand the need for that hug and I am sending it to you...
(((((HUG))))). I cringe at times when I think back on problems and issues that I have come through too. But to God be the GLORY!!!

Be blessed.


Lori & Gabe said...

Hi there - I just came upon your blog when checking out a friend of a friend of a friend's list of blogging friends. I probably couldn't find my way back if I wanted to! :) But I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your honesty and the fact that you're sharing your personal experiences to encourage others. God bless you!

Tammy said...


Sure could use this book myself, I think. I know.

Niki said...

Thanks for sharing this. I love how "Real" your blog feels. I feel like I know you a bit more every day. You are so...honest and open.

Anyway, this book sounds like a great read. I will put it on my "to-read" list, since my annual goals is to read 50 books each summer.


Tausha said...

i love your blog! I finding it amazing that you write what I need to read THAT DAY! Sometimes people think that just because two people are not the same religion, one or the other can't believe in Heavenly Father, His Love and Faith in each of us. I have never been one of those people, but you are a perfect example of how are people are working towards the same goal-Getting to know our savior and building our faith though him-no matter our religion. I love your blog-the posts inspire me and I also enjoy your husbands blog-my hubby is even reading it! so thanks so much for sharing your ideas and love with total strangers-cause you are helping me see things in a better, brighter light. Who would have thought-w total strangers?
I would love the book. I know that my major has cracks in it, and lots of times, those cracks spring leaks-big ones. I would love a book that would help me understand my huband, allowing me to love him more, and judge him less.
Again, I think that you should pick me, cause I am your newest blog friend and I have 3 very dramatic girls under the age of 8 and it's summer. Sometimes, ok, most times my hubby gets the brunt of it! thanks again!

MoziEsmé said...

Thanks for sharing, Kristen. I can relate to much of what you went through, though I'm not yet at the point of sharing it online yet. Still too much to work through.

Anyway, I get the feeling this book would be really helpful.

Crayl said...

Thanks for sharing something real, and positive. I love reading about people that worked it out, that have a success story! :)

Nancy M. said...

It's nice to know that even people who you don't think have had any problems, do have them. It's great y'all were able to work through them together! Marriage is hard sometimes! This book sounds like it would be a help to any who read it.

Jamie said...

Thanks for sharing and keeping it real! I so appreciate your honesty and I know it will be a blessing and encouragement to so many.

April said...

OK now I'm going to HAVE to get those books :) thanks for the recommendtion.

Colleen said...

I'm so happy that you and the hubby were able to work things through. As you said, your marriage is stronger and you are better people for it. ((hugs)) to you - I'm so happy you decided that the marriage was worth saving. So many people don't and I think more regret it than will admit.

franticallysimple said...

Thanks you for sharing that. I know it is hard to put your most private self out there for the world to see, but it is such a blessing and comfort to others.
So thanks again and (((hugs)))!

Marianne Thomas said...

Big hug from me - you are very brave to share so much.

I'm sure you've helped someone out here by talking about this painful valley in your life.

Oh, and I'm loving little miss in the Strawberry Shortcake sunglasses on the bottom of your page - too cute!

Donna @ Thirsty? said...

Thankyou so much for sharing this. I paused as I looked at this book this week but didnt buy it. Now I'll think again, and maybe even buy both. Thanks for the post and the comp!

Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates said...

Glad to see so many are encouraged by this post!

Stop by my blog - I have an award for you! :)

Anooja said...

Hii Kristin,

Am a regular reader, but havent left comments.
Thanks for sharing.
Lots of love and huge hugs :)
Take care, and God Bless you with lots of years of ' happy married life '

Pearl said...

Hi Kristen... I'm so glad that I stumbled upon your blog in the wee-hours of this morning! I certainly like what I've seen/read so far, and am marking your blog on my favorites list so that I may return to read more!

I have been down the road you talk about and it is not fun, at all... this book wasn't around, that I know of, and for many reasons, my marriage ended in divorce. But God was so good to me and not only did He hold me up during that time, but as He closed the door on that part of my life, He also opened another one... 3 years passed and I re-married against all odds. Once again, God was good and gracious and loving to me and blessed me with an awesome man and friend in my Husband. We just celebrated our 19th Anniversary. We are still like school kids in love... but I do intend to see if the library has the books you mention, for we believe that learning is a never-ending process! I am betting that there are wonderful new things to be found in those pages...

Kristen... please do stop by my blog when you have some time... I always enjoy company and meeting new folks and making new friends! My door is always open... God bless...

~a gentle hug from a new friend~


Cindy said...

Thanks for being real and for sharing a testimony which will surely be encouraging to those who are struggling today. I wanted to mention the blog of some friends of ours whose marriage has survived some amazing trials, and has been rebuilt on the solid rock which is's called Rise of the Home. Their testimony has likewise been a powerful tool that God has used to work within many marriages.

I have heard many recommendations for "For Women Only," and I would love a copy--thanks for offering it! :)


Tara said...

Thanks for this post. Really. My husband and I are struggling a bit right now. I think counseling is helping. Ask Mindy just did a study of For Women Only that prompted me to buy it, but I haven't started it yet. I'm not sure what I'm waiting for.

myra said...

what an honest post. it's so good to know that you didn't easily throw in the towel. how different things might have been if you had. i just posted on my blog about being together for 20 years. nothing's perfect, but as you say, we have more intimacy for the difficulties we've shared. that's called maturity. congratulations for coming out on the other side. hugs for sharing.

Sabrina said...

Thank you for sharing this. I know the Lord will bless you because of your transparency.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for being so honest. Probably 95% of the problems I have in my marriage come from my pride in not wanting to be so vulnerable, even with my husband. I surely wouldn't want to share my shortcomings with the whole world wide web! :) You will be blessed for your transparency and willingness to share! Thanks for the book suggestions. I may go pick up a little extra Father's Day surprise!

Happy Mommy said...

Oh Kristen ((I am hugging you)) that you are telling such a hard story today is amazing! The more you share what happened in YOUR marriage the story becomes less and less YOUR story and more and more GODS story of transformation and redemption.
Every single marriage in history has had times of ups and downs but with Christ is were my husband and I find our strength, its great to hear its the same for you too.
And most people do think you have a wonderful marriage and perfect husband and you do, he was perfectly created as part of Gods plan to be your husband, and father of your children.
Although I think I have the perfect husband, oh and I do, for me!
Bless you today and bless your marriage.
I love to read so enter me in!

marky said...

That was beautiful!!! Thanks for sharing that story.

Aimee said...

hugs coming right at you :)

It's hard to be that open, but sometimes it's also necessary. Godd job walking that line. :)

Robin said...

First of al ((hugs)) are in order. Second, I just finished reading that book about 3 weeks ago, and it definately opens your eyes. I am so thankful for the women in my Mom to Mom group for recommmending it, it has helped me to understand how God made my very special man and how vulnerable he is, even when he seems so "tough".
We have definately had those seriously tough times where our cisterns were cracked and we were filling them with frustration, anger, blame, anything, but love and forgiveness, and most importantly God. Luckily, God worked HIS divine miracles and we were both willing to listen and accept. I am so thankful for that rough bump in the road, because it has definately made us have a great appreciation for each other and the journey. Thank you so much for your blog and this post in particular. You will be speaking to so many women. Again ((hugs))!!!

Christie O. said...

that must have been very difficult for you to share! but thank you! it is definitely making it through the tough times that makes you stronger when you come out on the other side. congratulations to you for not giving up -- so many people do. i am sure that my marriage, as good as it is right now, is in store for its tough times and i can only hope that we will have the same resolve. i'd love to win this book! but if i don't -- i'll probably head out and get it!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for being so vulnerable. I think everyone can relate to that "perfect" marriage syndrome and unless you recognize what it is, it can fall apart. Thanks for recommending the book. I would like to read it!

Nicole said...

Thankyou for this post, I found you through tausha's blog btw. Me and my hubby have been married for almost ten years, and while it's good, there are a lot of things I sweep under the rug instead of dealing with it. I'm so glad you didn't give up, too many people do. I would love the book, thanks so much for recommending it.

Kristi said...

I just wrote a little post about this (sort of)... I'm trying to dig my heels in now (before it gets "bad"). Thanks for being so candid.

And I give ((hugs)) anytime. :)

Anonymous said...

wow...i would LOVE that book.
I am so happy that you & your husband have a Happily Ever After story & did not give up on your marriage.

You seem like such a wonderful person!

Marcy - The Glamorous Life! said...

Brave of you to share. Thank you. Good to know we are all normal- and perfect rarely is actually 'perfect', that is what makes it good right?

hyperactive lu said...

WOW! That was me Thanksgiving 2005. It was soooo familiar! We also had to invite Christ in and went to counseling. Our marriage was awful... we were hanging on, but counseling did wonders and we invited Christ to control our life and we began to follow HIM. So thankful for you sharing this story! Reminded me of what I am thankful for!

Threeundertwo said...

Wow, thank you for sharing your story. Huge virtual hugs from me as well. Sounds like a book I'd benefit from.

Alexia said...

My marriage is heading toward a courtroom right now so this would be a great book for me to read.

Mandy said...

Thanks for your honesty about this. ((hugs)) to you! Although my husband and I have had ups and downs, we have never been so down. We are fully aware that marriage needs work and continue to work on ours. I would love to read that book for marriage maintenance. Thanks for making yourself so vulnerable! I think that very post helped a tremendous amount of people already.

Tammy said...

Thank you for being so open. I have a very similar testimony in my marriage. It is only be the grace of God that we are together. But, because we went through the pits, we have such a stronger marriage now. God has even used our tough times to misister to others. I pray that God will bless you and be glorified because of your transparency! Many (((((hugs)))))!

gina said...


wow, thank you. sometimes it feels like you shouldn't have to work at it- but it's good to be reminded that it's worth it to work at.

Anonymous said...

Your grace and honestly blow me away. I am so glad I found this blog. I've learned over time that every marriage, even "perfect" ones have cracks. Sometimes, they swallow you. Other times, you let God in and he fixes them, making it stronger.

I've never heard of this book, but now I think I must read it.

Stefani said...

I would love to win this book. Even if I don't, I might buy them anyway. Fortunately, we have been very blessed and are happy in our marriage. But I also know that things can change very quickly. Thanks for this post!

Christine Nelson said...

I love "real" women who can share their stories and admit that it's not easy and takes A LOT of work, not just now but forever, they are my heros. Big HUGS (even though this is my first comment I have been reading). Thanks for sharing.

Anna said...

Thank you for opening up to us. I think it's very important for the world to see that marriage is a commitment, not a fad ala Hollywood.
Anyway, I'd brushed off this book when I've heard about it before, but I think you've convinced me.

Kate @ Life As I Live It said...

Thanks for your honesty Kristin. Even though I have a good marriage, we could always use a little help, and any book that gives me insight into my husband is a good one!


Lisa J said...

Man, thanks so much for being honest and open about life. Sometimes people need to see that even those that "look like they have it all together" struggle like the rest of us from time to time. That is the best lesson you can share with us during this father's day week. God has blessed all of us through you, I am glad I have found your blog, your story, your faith, and your friendship. thank you!

P.S. He loves you... said...

Girl you know my thoughts on this, as you've been over to comment and I'm thrilled to see/hear that others are lifting up thier marriage to God.

Your vulnerability and transparency are a blessings to all of us!

To have testimony such as this on your blog is like that of a light house in a very dark World... as it shines light.

Blessed be your day and your walk with our DHF...Thanks again for keeping it "real"!

In Christ Love~ Dawn :0)

Miss Erica said...

Thanks for sharing a very personal story in order to help women in need. Although my marriage is great right now after five years, I'm sure tougher times will come and I appreciate being able to look up to women like you who share their stories and how they've learned and gotten where they are today. Thank you!

Neurotically Yours: said...

Thank you for sharing! I looked up the book the other day when you mentioned and was planning on picking it up. Thanks for the chance to win it :)

Karen said...

Your honesty is wonderful! You never know who needed that encouragement today. Good for you!

Dawn said...

((Kristen)) -

Thanks for your honesty. As God has blessed and restored your marriage, I am certain He will use your story to strengthen other marriages. God is so good to take bad things and turn them into positives for His glory.

I'll be reading that book soon!

Blessings! Dawn

mom24/7 said...

It's good to hear from a couple who's been there and back. Sometimes I feel as if my husband and I are the only ones struggling. We are hopeful that our hardest and darkest days are behind us, but we are still in the midst of this trial. It is tiresome, but we are determined. Thanks for your testimony.

D... said...

Today, I have a very strong marriage. But, like you, it's because, at one time, it was very bad. It made us & our love much stronger.

Thank you for this post. ((hugs to you))

Bina said...

Wow. You just never know about other's lives, how hard things have been and what they have been through. While mine is not on that cliff yet, I feel we are getting closer, but mainly because of Scotch. I swear it's the Devil and I wish I could exorcise the wanting of it from my husband.

I will definitely get these books, but only after I find out whether I've won or lost!

Beachy Mimi said...

Thank you for sharing. I know firsthand what happens when the crack doesn't heal. I'm so glad your's did. Hugs and Blessings to you.

Miscellaneous From Missy said...

Here is a virtual hug fro' me to you! :-)

Julia said...

I'm way down in my marriage right now. I think I would benefit from the book and may just run over to Barnes and Noble after work. Your honesty made me sad in some ways, but relieved in other ways to know that I'm not the only person who sometimes gets that far down about marriage. Thanks for the post.

Mrs. Querido said...

I'm so glad that things are going better for you now. Our marriage is just starting to get good after six years! So I don't need the book---I've already read it---but I just wanted to comment and tell you how much I appreciate your transparency. Thank you for "keepin' it real"! Also, I love the humorous posts too...ALL of your posts are great! Keep it up :)


Mrs. Q

Amy said...

Hugs to you Kristen. I too am going through a rough time in my marriage. We have been married for 10 yrs. with 4 children and it has been one rough ride. We are now in counseling and taking those baby steps to falling in love again. Rebuilding our marriage and taking it back from satan whom has stole it one piece at a time. It is rough but we are in this together and we want nothing more than our marriage back and stronger than ever. Thanks for the words of encouragement!

lori said...

You know we hit the ROUGH patch many years ago....whew...a doozie too...and you know, like you, we are better for it...I was a naive as they come...It has made us better, and it has made us stronger....

Sharing this was what someone out there needs to walk the road of marriage that can be a tough one....

You are fabulous to do it!
"And I love him more deeply and we share more intimacy because of the bad." AMEN sister!

((hugs)) big ol' southern ones....:)
You are a one of a kind blessing!

cajungal01 said...

((HUGS)) ((HUGS)) ((HUGS))
Thank you for being honest, for putting yourself "out there", for sharing. Those of us that have had/or have a difficult marriage often do find comfort in hearing that others, especially others that we assume have a flawless marriage, have "been there". To read of one that has been there and come through stronger and better for it..well that's encouraging and comforting.

Jennifer said...

Thanks for being so transparent and sharing with your readers. It sounds like a great book and I appreciate the giveaway opportunity!

Tanja said...

Please sign me up for a chance to win this book. Seen it, but had no idea what it was about. Thanks.

Alicia said...

Kristen, thank you so much for sharing that with all of us. I'm sure that must have been difficult. Please know that your honesty and openness is greatly appreciated. I would really enjoy that book. I'm going to add it to my list of "must reads".

Again, thank you so much for sharing. I think all of us wives have been in that position at one point or another. You didn't have to share the details b/c I knew exactly where you were coming from, since I found myself in that same position not even a year ago. Most young girls enter a marriage with a fairytale in mind, and it can be so disappointing when that fairytale fades away and we are left with reality.

But it's well worth all the hard work. My husband and I are stronger for it. I wouldn't trade those bad times for anything else.

Lanxi said...

I was one of the surprised ones about your marriage. BUT one of the main reasons I started blogging. I knew that I wasn't the only one going through a silent (outside the house) pain in my marriage.

Although our cracks are not mended all the way, it is such a blessing to see the hope and miracles in someone else's life!

Thank you for sharing, and blessing, and being real, and being vulnerable (hug).

Good & Crazy said...

Whoa. good one. I'd like that book.

I keep getting comments that folks don't/won't post about private bizness, which is fine. But it's sorta the point for me? I swear I'm not revelling in your pain, but I AM enjoying believing that if I imitate you my world can be stronger. Thanks for that.

Shelle said...

Virtual vulnerability HUG! I think I have been there...maybe not as drastic...but I or we've been there!

It's nice to have a third party like our Father in Heaven to be there with us helping us "seal the cracks"

Marni Tiani Self said...

Wow, I would have never guessed. You seem so... together.

I would certainly NEED AND LOVE this book with all my might.

Please please please pick me!

We are in marriage counseling now too. It's been quite a struggle, but we're trying...


Muthering Heights said...

You are so brave and strong to post about this...I'm sure it will help so many people! This is one of the reasons I admire you so much. Good for you for opening up. :)

Rachel said...

I have not read this book but I would like to recommend a different book that really helps women to be Godly wives. "Finding the Hero in your Husband" is an excellent resource and when I read certain section aloud my husband was astounded at how much the author really did understand about men and husbands.

Becoming Me said...

Humungo hugs from me. I so understand that feeling of vulnerability after posting information that is close to the heart. Thank your for sharing. Marriage is so tough...even the good ones. Your honesty will bless many!

Beautiful Craziness said...

You know the other day a friend of mine said, "You always have everything put together." I was like, "what do you mean?" and she said I just always seem in control. She was talking about I guess how I represent me, my family, marriage, everything I guess. And at first I was like, Yeah buddy and then after a big slap on the head from God, I thought, Oh Lord, I am so good at pretending. We get real good at that, where we almost tend to forget that we are pretending so many times. None of us have it all together, thank goodness. Because if any of us did, I would have few people to go to who could understand my lack of togetherness. Thank God for testimonies that open our eyes and show us we aren't alone.

Darla @ UltraBeautyBoutique said...

Thank you for the heads-up on the books. I bought them both. :)

Michelle@Life with Three said...

I'm too late for the giveaway, but just wanted to let you know that I appreciate you being so candid and sharing about your past marital struggles. It's helpful to know that everyone struggles at times and there is a way to work through things. :)

Katie said...

I almost didn't comment since I looked at the clock, then I re-read 10 pm CST and I realized - I'm in!!! I'd really like this book.

We were married right out of highschool basically. I was just 19. I know. They let babies get married.

We've had our shares of ups and downs and I think this would be a great read for me.

Katie said...

Would you be more likely to choose me if I said after I read it I promise to pass it on to someone else who will also benefit from it??? :-)

Anonymous said...

Barely made it. This book sounds excellent. Thanks for the chance.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to let you know that we too have gone through some hard times and pushing through to the good has made our marriage the best it has ever been. ((hugs)) to you both. said...

Just ready your awesome to see such vulnerability and honesty. Having a healthy, strong marriage is hard work! You are SO right when you say "seal the cracks as they occur". It takes daily work, but the pay-off is like nothing else. Blessings to you and your hubby!

Laura said...

I LOVED that book...need to get it out and read it again. We went through that rough patch, and God put us back together again. It's a beautiful thing to see God rebuilding you into something better, isn't it?

Sheryl said...

OBVIOUSLY I'm not posting to win a book. I just wanted to tell you thanks for being transparent. I find that we need more of that. We learn from one another. My marriage is over in my husband's eyes but I am still standing with the Lord, praying for a miracle. We've been separated for 4 months and he has filed for divorce. I'm so glad your husband was willing to do the hard work necessary to save a marriage.

Thanks again for sharing. I love coming here, usually for a good laugh but also because you are so real.

Sheila said...

Our marriage was really bad at one point, too.

Our son had died. We were grieving. Our next baby was sick. It was awful.

Today we speak at marriage conferences all over North America, and it's such a blessing being able to share what God taught us!

And it's also weird being so vulnerable and sharing about everything--even your sex life! But people need you to be vulnerable; they need to know they're not alone.

Honey, I Don’t Have a Headache Tonight, one of the more recent books I wrote, was aimed at helping women understand men's sex drives--and figure out how to switch on their own! It was an eye-opening experience researching that one, and I like to say that my husband really enjoyed it!

It's great to be able to come back from the brink of a really awful time in your marriage to get to the point that you can help others. But we only got there because we asked God in, too.

So thanks for this post, and for this reminder that we need to be honest about the state of our marri1ges!

Visit To Love, Honor and Vacuum today!

Joy said...

I missed this post a few days ago but still wanted to comment. My marriage started off rocky. We got pregnant before we were married (a big "no-no" in the church). While we were already planning on getting married, I felt a TON of pressure by the parental figures in our lives.

So we got married quickly. Then my mom died two months later. Hubby made me get rid of my cat who I'd had my whole life. We had to move into this "hell hole". I was miserable, depressed, and VERY BITTER. I had no friends. My mom was gone. I felt like an outsider in his family (but only by my OWN doing, I must add).

It's been four years since we got married. We've had ups and downs. My husband committed an adulterous sin against me and took 2 years to admit it.

But strange as it is... his admission is what led to our open communication and healing. 2007 was an amazing year for us. The best year of my life, really. We still have our moments of weakness and "fits of carnality" as Jesse Duplantis calls them. But we make it work, and we're in love. We're sensitive to one anothers' needs.

Yeah he's a pastor and worship leader and many people who hear our story gasp and shake their heads. But we ALL FALL SHORT and it's in our weaknesses God is made strong. We can't all be perfect but we can TRY. It's the trying that matters!

Joy said...

Excuse me, I meant my mom died 2 WEEKS (not months) after we got married.

Heather J. said...

I'm playing catch up...and none to soon.

I'll type it again, you always write what I need to read. Each post never fails to reach my heart and touch me.

The Lord does indeed work in mysterious ways.

mommagurl32 said...

I would love to have this book! I feel like I have read every marriage book out there and I still don't understand why my husband and I are always at odds! Even if I don't get this book I am going to try and look for it at the library...but they don't usually carry good Christian marriage books!

twin power mommy said...

I read this post (on marriage falling apart) several weeks back and i meant to leave a comment on it.
It really spoke to me.
My hubby and I were on the brink a little over 3 years ago and, only through GOD's divine intervention, was my marriage saved.
I cry whenever i hear/read of marriages renewed. Renewed with love for each other, renewed with fresh insight, renewed with a commitment that is stronger than ever.
My man recently accepted Christ into his life and since that day, life has been increasingly better. Our kids will never remember when daddy used to drink until he passed out. Our kids will only see a Godly man who loves and is committed to his family.
Praise God for HIS love for us. HIS love to salvage our broken hearts.
Another book that has been helpful for me to read has been Debi Pearl's Created to be His help Meet.
I recommend it to any God fearing woman who wants to be a better wife to their husband.

Suzanne said...

I just stumbled onto your blog this morning from my good friend Shauna's blog. I happened to scroll down and see this title in your sidebar. We are right there...........

I think I'll check into this book today! Thank you for your open heart, you just never know who it might touch!! Thank you & have a blessed day!

Anonymous said...

I happened to see this on the side bar, too. Same sort of thing happened to us this past October. Like you said, it was extremely serious but involved no third party. Maybe some day I'll have the courage to share, but I'm still very much in the healing process. But thank you for this blog - it gives me hope.

brandy said...

I found your blog the other day and it is very inspiring! I can especially relate to this post. In fact, I have this book in a drawer in the dresser next to my bed. I haven't read it in a couple of years and I am so going to dig it out and read it again - Thank you!!

Anonymous said...

After many (30+)years of what I thought was a great marriage we are in the middle of exactly what you discribed. We are going through counseling right now and I can already tell it is opening my eyes about issues I didn't have a clue about. I never dreamed when we came to the empty nest phase of this marriage that we would be here. I thought we worked hard at being "a couple" during those child raising years but all the cracks came wide open and the walls that I thought were strong came tumbling down. Just as in your case there was no third party, but lots of things that need mending. I'm going out to get both the books can only help what we are working toward. Thank you for sharing and hopefully one day I can do the same. Love your blog and your geniune spirit. ~A sister in Christ

Chel - An Abiding Branch said...

Great post. Thank you for sharing and being so transparent. It never ceases to amaze me how writing really drops the veil and allows us to open up and share. But I love that you said "Google is forever." Too bad they don't think that Biblical marriage is. :-(

I will very likely get this book either myself or I will ask my sister!

i love your blog btw!!

Anne in Oxfordshire said...

I have only just found your blog..but I remember when our marriage fell apart..and there was a third party! I can even remember the words, the dates, it went on for a long time, but I wasn't going to give up on my husband.

Five years later we are still together, it has been a long, hard slog..I am finding myself, finding christianity..going to church, and I believe I have found God..Not totally there yet, but I keep trying.

Allie Z said...


I found your post from Heather's ( V day 09 post. Your testimony of your marriage is thoughtful and caring and impressive. Thank you for putting it out there for us as a source of encouragement.


Allie Z said...


I found your post from Heather's ( V day 09 post. Your testimony of your marriage is thoughtful and caring and impressive. Thank you for putting it out there for us as a source of encouragement.


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Michelle said...

So great that you linked back about this post today. Our pastor talked about marriage and these books yesterday at church and hubby and I are very interested in reading the books. I am going to see if our library has them this week.

ninja*davis said...


Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I believe in that saying very much so. Before our marriage there was a huge bump - we thought it was the end of the road. I knew I was being tested and would be stronger for it if we made it through and we did. Its hard to think back to that bump - b/c it hurts my heart. However, on days that we struggle I think back to that and know that if we made it through that we can make it through anything.

Help! Mama Remote... said...

A testimony to help many. Thanks

Pippi said...

God must have led me to your site because my marriage has been struggling for a while now. I truly appreciate your candor and your decision to dig your heels in. Thank you so much. God Bless.

Kate said...


Thank you for sharing this. My own marriage fell apart two years ago, and with God's grace we have rebuilt it into what it was intended to be in the first place. Lots of blood, sweat and tears, but we are in a good place now.

May He continue to bless you and your husband richly!