Monday

My Dear Google Searchers


(Google records who comes to your blog and how they find it thru the search engine. The results are often hilarious. *Update*  Read Shannon's explanation for how to do this here.  It's easy and fun and she explains it much better than I can!)  

Hello, sweet Google searchers.  I have been meaning to address you for weeks.   I've been watching you on my sight reader and I must say you have misunderstood me.  Because for some unknown reason, I have become an expert in these areas:

1.  Mopping the floor.  Now much to your surprise, I do not mop my floor often and I simply do not deserve the accolades as a proficient floor mopper.  The floor. Is. Sticky. Right. Now.  (That's because the toddler is watching juice drip from her the cup she is shaking).  Many people have discovered this blog 'o mine, by googling "overflowing the toilet to mop the bathroom floor."  And while I have never actually tried this or blogged about it, I think it is an excellent idea and I may just have try it. Thank you.

2.  80's Hair pictures. Well.  Who knew so many of you cared about the hair style of the 1980's.  Apparently, I wasn't the only victim of home perms resulting in afros.  I am sorry for your pain. We meet for therapy every Thursday.  Please join us.  We care.  And I'm sorry to the souls out there who found me by googling, "mother takes son for first perm pictures" and "forced perm",  I feel your pain.  I really do

3. THAT family. I think we all fit into certain stereotypes.  I've learned that not only are we THAT family, we are also, "a style family" (thank you, truly), "a perming family" (you know how to wound), an "esl family" (I've learned much from Dora the Explorer), and a "real cruel family." (Yes, some days.) And my favorite, "a godly family." Not so many days, but we try.

 4.  Squirrels.  Yes, come here for your squirrel counseling.  We have a plethora of ideas on controlling their population, including, but not limited too, scaring them into accidental drowning. Oh, and by the way, you know who you are, No, I haven't tried to "fry a squirrel." Yet.

5.  Miscellaneous.  And finally, to those of you who were searching for answers and inadvertently found me, I hope you found peace with your a. profound itch  b. reckless driving  c. hairy arms  d. strangling each other  e.  being vomited on.

Oh, and to the soul out there in the blogosphere waiting with baited breath for this answer:

No, my hubby is not my twin.

The End.

P.S.  Come back for an awesome giveaway tomorrow!!

37 comments:

Kelsey Smith said...

Oh my gosh thats funny!

Cathy/ Mommy Motivation said...

Oh, this is such a good blogging idea! It is the weirdest thing that I write ooey, gushy stuff, and get people searching for how-to on housekeeping. I figure they need to stay and read my blog to gain balance. lol :)

mommypie said...

I'll trade you your "80s hair" for my "nasty grandmas."

Mandy said...

Reading my Google searches has become my new favorite past time! Too funny!

It All Started With a Kiss said...

These are so funny! Although the husband twin thing sounds a bit scary...

Beautiful Craziness said...

Too funny!

Karen said...

I love hearing how people find our blogs. Some of these were hysterical!

onemoreequalsfour said...

Hysterical...I agree, the ways people find the blog through google are great!

THopgood said...

Dawn from "Because I Said So" does this from time to time and I've been wanting to get around to doing this myself...the google searches are hilarious.

The Fritz Facts said...

I love my google reader. The ways people find me are hilarious. I think yours might be a bit better though...

Valarie said...

Ok, I have google reader, where do I go to see how people find me????? I just can't figure this one out. I am sure its the most obvious thing I will ever do. I'm sure if it were a snake it would have bite me by now. :0(

Dawn said...

What a good laugh for Monday morning!

Welcome to the new week! Dawn

marky said...

LOL! I love it! I've always wondered how you find these things?
Thanks for the Monday morning giggle.

Jen @ Daily Mish Mash said...

Ok, this is really funny!! I'll have to go and check to see how my reader are finding me too! Thanks for the laugh!

Suzie said...

Personally Im still waiting on your squirrel fry. Let me know when the oil is nice and hot.

LifeatTheCircus said...

That was great! It is so funny to see what people were looking for when they went to you site. I've had some good ones to that I'll have to post some day. Who knew you'd be sought after as a mopping expert? Yea for google!!

Memarie Lane said...

I'm not much of a mopper either. I intend to mop every Saturday, but it ends up being more like every January or so.

Dawn said...

Okay, so like Valarie, I've searched and searched to see how to find out how I'm found through Google. Help us, please!

Worlds Greatest Mommy said...

Laughing! Needed this! I'm going to try the toilet thing.

Most people find my blog through searching for "baby ate glass." Unfortunately, I'm an expert.

Lisa said...

You are so FUNNY! Great way to start a Monday morning...

Tiff said...

LOL i have had people search for strange things yet. But if i do rest assured they will be blogged about!

Audrey said...

I found your blog through MommyFest. Even though it's over, I'm still loving reading the blogs and meeting other women.

I'm laughing so hard. When my daughter was about 3ish, in preschool they sang a song "this is the way we sweep the floor" and my daughter said "what is sweeping?" she had no idea. ROFL. Talk about embarassing. Great blog.

Bina said...

Lord that is FUNNY! Now I'm going to read how to track this stuff cause it's just too funny not to!

Sheila said...

I get really weird searches, too! For some reason my dear old blog is a magnet for those looking for X-rated things to do with vacuums. Very peculiar.

Take care!

Visit To Love, Honor and Vacuum today!

Mom to 5...Daughter of the King said...

OH, that is so funny. Although I an not so sure which is funnier, your writing or other people's searches!! LOL

Marni Tiani Self said...

That's hilarious. I was just working on a sitemeter blog. I'll have to reference this. :)

Hilarious!

Kim said...

Sooo funny! I think the squirrel advice is good stuff. Searchers are lucky to find you!

Jessica said...

I am trying to fight back the giggles so my boss doesn't hear me. You crack me up. As always.

Sara said...

How neat to be a twin. =) I hope you enjoyed Mommyfest and look forward to seeing you around!

Happy Mommy said...

I check the google search engine from time to time and some of the funniest things come up! Thank you for you kind words yesterday, I really needed them!

Storm said...

Funny!

Well Behaved Krissy said...

thanks for clearing up the hubby thing, its just always so awkward to come out and just ask someone, "hey, is your husband your twin??

The Apron Queen said...

Pop on over to Confessions of an Apron Queen to check up on the $50 vintage apron giveaway! You're a semi-finalist! Woo Hoo!!

http://anapronaday.blogspot.com

Bananas said...

isn't it dreadfully funny the ways that people find us??

debawriter said...

Well, since you sorta-ish put it out there:
What IS your cure for profound itch?

It sure would come in handy right about now. I've made peace with my hairy arms, so you don't need to address that. :)

Deb
sandiegomomma.com

Amanda said...

I see a few a few weird keyword searches to my blog on Stat Counter, but I need to check out the Google thing.

Thanks for the link!

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