Mothering Daughters

I found this beautiful promise and pledge in the book I'm reading with my daughter, Preparing Your Daughter for Every Woman's Battle.

If you have a daughter, please consider sharing this with her:

The Promise
"You, my dear, are a princess
and a stunningly beautiful creation of the King of the universe;
and He is absolutely, positively head over heels in love with you.
You have been richly adorned with spiritual beauty,
and your role in life is to radiate God's magnificent glory to others.
Your mission is to live such a pure lifestyle
that your friends can't help but be influenced by you in a really good way.
As they try to imitate you, they will begin pursuing God
and a lifestyle of sexual purity as well.
Together, you girls are going to have such fun as you celebrate God's goodness in your lives and grow in His grace."

based on Psalm 45:11, 13-15

The Pledge
A princess always respects parental authority.
A princess behaves the same in her parents' absence
as she does in their presence.
A princess pursues friendships only with those both she
and her parents feel good about.
A princess doesn't abuse her telephone privileges.
A princess surfs only parent-approved Internet Web sites.
A princess wears only clothes that look appropriate on her.
A princess gets her parents' permission before inviting
someone into her home or getting into a car with someone.
A princess doesn't pursue a boyfriend or until her parents determine
that she is ready to do so.

Media teaches her that promiscuity is normal. Friends pressure her to be like everyone else. Magazines create a false sense of body image and companies vie for her attention to be placed on outward beauty. Marketing demands she dress her body like a woman, rather than a girl. The Internet offers deviation and defilement at every turn and her value system isn't supported in our godless country.

Sometimes it feels like I'm battling against Hell itself to protect my girl.

Maybe because I am.

Fight hard for your daughter's purity because the enemy is at war for it. Teach her early about her body and sex. Set the bar high, so that everything she hears from her friends and media will be compared to God's standard of holiness.

Have you talked to your daughter about these things?

Because someone else will.

(a post on Mothering Sons is coming soon....)


Becca said...

I think this is so important today. I have, am and will be talking to my daughters about their real worth.

Thanks for the resources and fighting the good fight!

jenniferjanes said...

Thank you for posting this. I need to go over this with my daughters. It sounds like I need to get that book!

Thanks again!


C.C. said...

Another great book, I've used with my daughter and also shared in a mother daughter study was The Princess and the Kiss Book and Study Guide! Great way to talk about purity and it gets you talking together and working together! :)

The promise and Pledge are awesome may borrow that for my youth girls blog...

Kelly said...

Thank you so much for this. My daughter just had her first period. YIKES. You are exactly right, if we don't talk to them about sex someone else will. Luckily I have a very good, open relationship with my daughter. She is not afraid to ask or tell me anything, and for that I am eternally grateful! Thanks for reminding me that I need to continue to fight for her. :)

Jeanette said...

We have been working on this issue with our girls for the last 10 years! They are now 15 & 16 and we have offered them a down payment on a house if their 1st kiss is saved for their wedding day (because we are not above bribery!). We have set the bar high for those boys brave enough to ask their daddy's permission to court his daughter.

They grow up so fast but just tonight I painted my 16 yr olds nails because she wanted her "mommy to do it". Cherish every moment because once they hit high school it is a blur!!

Keep up the good will pay off one day! Hugs :}

Phyllis@Aimless Conversation said...

Another fantastic resource (and it looks like great fun to boot) is the Secret Keeper Girl conferences. Check out their very cool site for lots of other great items too.

Great post Kristen. My daughter turns 5 next month and it is time to start pondering these things.

Angela @ HomegrownMom said...

Oh goodness, I need that book! I like to think my daughter is sheltered from a lot of that, but the reality is we ARE fighting against hell! Thanks for sharing this!

Ginger said...

This is absolutely beautiful! I am going to email this to my sister, Rena, who has 3 girls.
Ty for posting this.

rachelizabeth said...

So glad you fight for your daughters. I've seen way too many moms who either didn't fight hard enough, or gave up too soon.

I fight, too. I fight to teach my boys how to treat girls as ladies. For my boys right now, girls are just cootie-ridden anoyances, but even cootie-ridden annoyances deserve to be treated well.

Lacey said...

We daughter is only 2.5, but we're very honest about the body. My parents NEVER talked to me about sex, boobs, my period, or anything. So, I figured it out on my own :(

I've just placed a hold on this book at the library and can't wait to read it. I know I won't need to use it right away, but I like to be prepared ;)

Cathy said...

So true!!

The age for preparing just seems to get younger and daughter is 6. It won't be long, I'm sure.

pippasmum said...

This is a great post and so timely given that just this past week, I have had a few things come to my attention that have made me afraid for my daughter's future in the society we live in. This is a really empowering post - I need this book!

Victoria said...

I have determined that I need a notebook to keep track of all the great stuff you mention on your blog! We have a one year old son, but I am hoping for a daughter next; either way I want all of our children to know how special they are to the Lord and how to be the example to lead others to Christ, as well as protect their own purity! Amen and Praise the Lord.
God bless!

Victoria said...

I linked your blog post here, cause you are both talking about the same thing and I loved both posts! I don't blog or I would post it on my own blog. Blessings.

Let'sMakeADifference said...

Great post!! If we don't realize that we are in a war, we are in danger of losing the battle! A GREAT book for tweens and teens is 'Don't Awaken Love Before The Time' by David Garcia. I just posted about this yesterday. My 5 teens said that this book helped them understand modesty, purity, and relationships, more than any other resource!

CourtneyKeb said...

How incredibly amazing!

Shelly @ Life on the Wild Side said...

Beautiful. Just beautiful. As a mother of three daughters (no sons) I am very aware of these issues. They are all nearly teenagers now, so you can just imagine the drama in our house.

One book I found to be very helpful (which I made my older two read somewhere around 8th grade) is a book called "Sexy Girls: How Hot is too Hot?" by Hailey DiMarco. It's a great book about modesty, and the author doesn't mince words. Every girl and every mother of girls should read it.

Our life is a bowl of Barry's said...

oh please, make the one about mothering sons SOON!! We are in the midst of preparing for 'the talk' any day now....would love your advice!!

melanie:::adorkable said...

This is fantastic. I will remember this resource for my future children and possibly use it now for my youth group girls.

The Ferguson Family: said...

Hi Kristen! You probably don't remember me, but Terrell was my youth pastor in Pampa and you guys got married while he was there.

Anyway I love your blog and read it every few days. I have two little girls and struggle with this subject all the time. Thanks for sharing your heart! I enjoy your blog so much!!!

Betsy said...

Such a good read this morning. My little princess is 6 and already I deal with issues of dress and modesty. Our culture wants our little girls to be sensual and sexual. I want her to embrace her girlhood and not try to be 16 instead of 6. And yes we are fighting Hell itself for our daughters!!

Tara said...

This is so great! I will share this with my friend who has a daughter! This post makes me want a daughter!! But I will (not so) patiently wait for the post about sons!!

Blessings to you!

Jen said...

I love this. Printing it out and putting it in my Bible to share with my daughter. Granted, she's only 3, but she is all about princesses and I think it's never too early to tell her that she is indeed a Princess in God's eyes.

Thank you! Enjoying your blog.

Gretchen Magruder said...

I have 3 girls (11, 9, 7) so it feels like we're in the thick of it right now! I read the the "preparing your daughter..." book with my oldest a couple of years ago and loved it...thanks for the reminder that I need to brush it off and start with the other 2, and remind the oldest!

Working in campus ministry makes me painfully aware that this is a hugely important job for us to do if we care about the spiritual/emotional health of our daughters!!

Kristina said...

What an a great pledge, Kristen. I am going to use it with my daughter for sure! The best part is that since she thinks of everything in terms of "princesses" she will really GET this!

In a nutshell, I made some bad choices regarding things discussed in this pledge and it could have destroyed my life. Thanks to Jesus, my life is better than ever, but I truly believe that you are and I am battling all hell for our daughters.

Becka said...

As you know, I've already shared this on Facebook. I would say about 90% of my friends have girls, and LOTS of girls. I think this information is valuable, and so, so important. I think too many girls are trying to raise themselves, or let society raise them these days. It's our duty as mothers to empower them. My daughter is about to turn 10, and sometimes I need these gentle reminders that changes are just around the corner for her, and she needs to hear this...from ME. Thanks again for sharing your heart.

Traci Michele said...

SO timely! So important. Thank you!

Ashleigh said...

I think lots of parents think that these things are not big deal. I have worried about my daughter in this scense since I found out at 20 weeks she was a girl! She's now only 5, but she will know her worth!

Tonya said...

Thank you, Kristen, for posting this today! I've got a 10yr old daughter and I've been so scared about some of these converstions that we'll need to be having w/her soon. I am so afraid of screwing things up! I'm going to buy this book tomorrow!

Tori said...

So true, and I can't wait for your post on mothering sons. I have a son who will be 17 next month, and he has made the choice to save himself for marriage. He wears a purity ring with pride! He mostly hangs out in groups with other teens, and doesn't want to get serious about anyone at this age. I am so thankful!

Amy said...

powerful words today that I needed to hear, although I'm sure I'm not the only one. Thanks for the boldness in His name!


gabe said...

I just cried out for advice on my blog today about dealing with my 10 year old who is really struggling with remembering to be respectful. Gotta get this book!
Thanks for sharing.

Anita A. said...

My daughter (7 yo) and I picked out a swimsuit for her the other day. We ventured into the world of the tankini. I think some are modest, and some are not. While I have to admit, the one we bought was borderline, I loved the print. I told my daughter that daddy would have to approve of it. My husband decided that 10 yo. brother should have some input as well. Both decided against it. So many lessons here. Daddy protects his girl. Mommy respects daddy's input/decisions. Brother learns to evaluate and respect modesty. Brother learns to protect sister. Sister (eventually) learns that she was protected by daddy and brother. While it's not always easy, keep the bar high moms and bring dad's strength in to lead the way.

Becka said...

This may be the only safe place to say this, but in regards to swimsuit design, I think low V-cut tops for tween/pre-teen suits are a little too suggestive. I mean, yes, we want them to love and value their bodies, but swimsuits are revealing enough. Do we really need to emphasize their newly developing breasts?? Is anyone else bothered by this or is it just me? Personally, I like the ones that are high up in the front and go straight across, with no seam across the chest. But that's just me.

love said...

oh, goodness...YES. i'm adding this to my amazon wishlist now.

yes, we've already started talking to our 5 and 6 year old about these things, but i love good, practical books that apply Biblical principles. thank you.

[can you tell i'm catching up on your blog?! i appreciate you.] =)

momof3girls said...

love your post! I loved the fact that when polled parents often felt like their kids were to young to discuss sex with - no matter if their child, was 8,10,12,14,1,17,19,etc. you get the point. and you are right- if the world feels so comfortable discussing such matters with our children we better get comfortable to! so that we can have the influence in their lives! Keep posting!