Monday

Things I Say in A Day

It feels weird to hear my mother's words coming out of my own mouth.

I think they call it payback. (This might make my mother very happy).

There called Momisms, you know, things moms say.

And these are just a few of the things I say in a day:

Don't make me come up there (my children's rooms are upstairs, while mine is down and although I like to pretend they are clean, I randomly yell this up the stairs. The sound I hear is similar to a small herd of elephants).

Because I'm your mother that's why (well, I am).

This is why we can't have nice things (it's a surprise to get thru a day without hearing glass shatter in my house. Yet, I'm still shocked when things break. Clearly, I am slow.)

Be careful or you'll put an eye out (considering we spent the morning of my son's 7th birthday at the ER because he poked a remote control antenna into his eyeball, I think I'm allowed to use this expression without judgement).

There are dozens and dozens of momisms. I get them all, have said most of them and meant every word.

But there are other things I say on a regular basis that should probably be added to The Official List:

"Do not spit."
"Why are you naked?"
"No, you can't play a game on my iPhone"
"We do not spit."
"Please don't bark like a dog in my ear."
"Take the fight outside. Don't come back in unless you can get along or you're bleeding."
"If you spit again..."

What do you say everyday?



p.s. I'm giving away FIVE $5 Dollar Dinner Mom's Cookbooks! Make sure you enter, it ends tomorrow!

114 comments:

Missy @ It's Almost Naptime said...

Where is your lunchbox?

Where do you shoes belong?

How could you say that nicer?

ExCUSE me?

Princesses do not burp.

Please sit like a lady.

We don't talk about poop at the table.

Please use your fork.

Where is the remote control?

Get back in bed!

Do you need to go potty?

How did you get so cute?

I love you so much. I am so glad God gave you to me!

the J in PJs Til Noon said...

I swear my kids should be product testers. They can break the unbreakable.
I usually say "Stop arguing." (I have a teenager.)
"Get off the dog."
"We don't lick stuff."
"If you can't be nice, don't talk."
"Stop the whisper arguing."

the J in PJs Til Noon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jamie~ said...

Are you kidding me?
Is that using kind words/hands/feet?
Put the baby down!
No, it's not time for lunch.
Can somebody bring me diaper?
Someday, you're going to have to learn to wipe yourself.
Seriously, you guys...
Oh, Lord, give me strength.
And hopefully, "I love you".

Gina @ MoneywiseMoms said...

The one that seems to come up most often lately is:

Stop licking your sister.

Ally said...

"Can you sit on your bottom please?"

"You're going to make Baxter (our dog) cry when you pull his legs like that."

"Give me a kissssss"

"How did you get so stinkin cute"

"Where's your nose"

You get the point :)

Veronica Boulden said...

But, you just ate!

...That's the only one I can think of. I say it constantly. My daughter is always hungry, so I feed her, and then she's hungry again. Very funny post. :)

Niki said...

haha, we say "we just can't have nice things" ALL THE TIME (and I mean all the time, I have 4 boys :o)

Put on a Shirt

Take the bug/lizard/rolly polly/ outside

No burping at the table

So honestly, if it came to blows would you leave them outside to fight it out. My parents used to do the same to my sister and me, and we occasionally took them up on it. But we lived in the country, where no neighbors would witness our display. I would love to do that to my boys but we live in the city, with just a speck of backyard. We are already "THAT" family lol. Maybe it wouldn't hurt anything!

Bloggin' Mama said...

~ Get your finger out of your nose and get a tissue!
~ Please do not laugh at your (younger) sister when she burps/toots!
~ Stop talking about poop.
~ Please get your sister off the train table.
~ I love you guys SO much!

Clearly, my eldest two are boys...

Great post, made me chuckle!

Mel said...

The weirdest Momism I've ever had to say I think was "forks do not belong in underpants" :)

Lil-Rosi said...

I have 2 boys, ages 17 months & 4 years...

"Get your fingers out of your mouth!"

"Stop running through the house!"

"Pew, you stink!"

At the dinner table: "Don't sit on your feet, put them under the table!"

"EAT!!!"

Laura said...

Please get your toe out of your sister's mouth.

Cheerios do not belong in your ears.

LeisaHammett said...

Good to hear you speak at Blissdom.

KK said...

So true.

Everyday, I tell the dog... We do not eat crap off the ground!

Rebecca D said...

I have teenage daughters so my day is full of:
"Pull up your pants"
"empty the dishwasher"
"quit bickering"
"solve this yourself"
"empty the dishwasher"
"chill pickle..."
"tone down the eye make-up"
"take the dogs out"
"empty the dishwasher"
"I trust you can solve this"
"do your schoolwork"
"chill pickle..."
"the answer is no until your room is clean"
"empty the gosh darn dishwasher already..."
"feed the dogs"
"quit your bickering"
"chill pickle..."
"EVERYONE'S GROUNDED UNTIL THE DISHWASHER IS EMPTY!"
(they tell me... "chill pickle")

Melissa Brotherton said...

My favorite ever was: "Don't hide your sister." This
was said to my then 2-year-old son when he covered his 6-week-old sister with couch cushions so they could play hide and seek.
The common ones lately are:
- You get what you get & you don't throw a fit.
- Little boys/girls who throw fits don't get what they want.
- And...Why are you naked?!

jenlar3 said...

My kids are grown now, but some of my 'momisms' included...

"Good-bye, I love you." (in person and on phone...Always.)

"Look with your eyes, not with your hands." (toddler age)

After racing to see who could get their seat belts on first..
"First is worst, second is best, third one in has a hairy chest, last one in is rotten egg." Except my youngest was always the slowest, and eventually got frustrated by always being the 'rotten egg.' So then we told her,"We always saved the best for last," and peace was restored!

"You need to clear a path from the door to the window." (that was in case there was a fire in the middle of the night and I had to run in their room and throw them out the window, I didn't want to break a leg on their toys.)

"Whose day is it?" (I had two girls so I split the week into M,W,F & T,TH,S. Sunday was Mom's choice. On their days, they got to pick the movie, sit in the front seat, check the mail, etc,,, But they also got called on to feed the dog, set the table, take out the trash, etc...) It really cut down on fighting and the cries of, "It's not fair you, always pick her for the ..." Since I could never keep it straight, I divided the week and then just had to ask, "Whose day is it?" They always knew!

When they got older this technique also worked well with clothes fights. My girls were close in age, similar size and body shape and similar tastes. They decided they could get more school clothes by pooling their clothing allowance and then sharing the clothes. Except for when they wanted to wear the same thing on the same day. Their birthdays were on odd & even days, so the victor would depend on the day # it was. On even # days,S got to wear it. On the odd, T got to wear it. All I had to do when they came to me fighting is ask ("whose day is it?") Saved me many headaches thru the teen years!!!

When they were a little older and wanted to continue arguing for something different than what I was telling them, I said,
"No. Period, end of sentence." They knew that meant discussion/negotiation time was now CLOSED!

And every night, "Good night, I love you, precious dreams, I will see you in the morning."


They are now grown up, maintain a strong faith in God, are college educated, married to great guys, and all have great jobs. So I figure my 'momisms' must have worked pretty well!!!

Thanks for letting me share my precious memories of their childhood!

Duct Tape Chronicles said...

My two most recent:

'Don't run with chopsticks.'
and (this one is becoming repetitive)'Get out (literally) of the refrigerator.'

I think about all the strange stuff motherhood has caused me to say a lot actually.

Rebecca said...

Please stay at the table until you're excused!

Don't spit your food..and no catapulting of food!

You say that word one more time, no computer for a month.

I'm so glad you're my son, I would not want any other one (every night before bed).

Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates said...

One thing I say most often is:

Because I said so.

And my son dislikes it just as much as I did when I was a kid! :)

Dee said...

LOL that is so funny. I have three teenage daughters:

ask before you borrow.
get off the computer and do your your ...
have you done your homework/assignments?
you're not gong anywhere until your room is tidy to mum standard.
put away the ...
whose turn is to to...?
go sort it out somewhere where I can't hear you.
I love you. have a great day.stay safe. (every morning)
what time will you be home?
who is going with you?
where will you be?
Be home by...
sure. it's in my purse.
but i only just bought more chocolate!
you are beautiful (even without all that make up.)

I am sure there are many more but i amnot about to ask my girls right now. ;)

Stephanie said...

"Is there blood? Is there fire? Then don't tattle."

"You're the best best EVER!!"

"What's in your mouth."

These top my list, but I enjoyed reading what the other moms wrote. Makes me laugh to know we all say pretty much the same things to our kids.

Bevy said...

this is too funny...

I guess you could say we're still in the training phase, so alot of the things we say over and over, like...

"get down, from there"

"NO!"

"get your hands out of your pants"

"Be kind to your sister/brother"

"what do you say?"

and, I'm sure all will get translated one day into a more lengthy reminder or Mom-ism.

Sandra said...

Get out of your brother's space (it works better than when I said face)!

Get that out of your mouth!

Grimmy said...

Although I don't have any kids, I watch my nephews all the time. And I have to say the most popular right now it "Get your finger out of your nose!" She has 3 boys.

Heather said...

My favorite ever was "get your foot out of my drink." And yes, I've had to use it more than once.

The Activity Mom said...

Mine changes by the week but THIS week it has been...

"I'm sorry your stomach hurts. That's what happens when you hold in your poop!"

"It's not time to get up yet!"

"We have to take good care of our toys and things. We can't throw them. Do you want to give them to kids that don't have toys?"

Anonymous said...

If it's not yours, don't touch it!

Jessica said...

Please, stop hitting the floor.

Don't bang your head!

We don't take the pictures off the wall.

Joy said...

"Get your hands out of your diaper/pants/panties.:

"Get that out of your mouth."

"Where are the lids to all those markers?"

"What are you supposed to color on? Is that paper? I didn't think so."

"Whiners go to bed."

"How should you ask me that?" and it's corollary, "Say that again with a self-controlled voice."

"Breakfast bars are not a snack. No you can't have candy. You just ate!"

"No you cannot watch a little TV."

"Where are your clothes? Is that where they belong?"

"Don't eat until we are all here and we've prayed. You know that!"

"I love you."

Jen said...

cute post...I have a preteen and tween...so...
-please stop fighting
-please stop whining
-really, stop it...(fill in the blank)
-yes, you have to put your clean clothes away in the dresser and the closent, not on your chair
-girls, hurry up
-I love you
-NOW, stop fighting

Anonymous said...

We have a spitter too--that was comforting to read :)

Superchikk said...

My 2 yr old son is a spitter too, so "Do NOT spit" is common at our house.

"Don't open your mouth when the dog is kissing you." - my favorite

"OBEY me." (That was totally from my Mom!)

"I don't understand whine. You'll have to speak regular English."

okierivermama said...

LOL
currently--
Dont hit your brother
Dont tickle the baby
the baby can love you both
daddy and i love yhou btoh
get off his head
your my favorite X year old
DONT touch my LAPTOP
Dont Touch my PHONE
You cannot have a touch phone till you can pay for it
Steff

Kris said...

I love your post.

I say with regularity:

All 4 chair legs belong on the floor.

You just ate 5 minutes ago.

Where does your coat, bag, shoes belong.

Why must you argue with everything I say?

Be kind to your siblings.

Why do I feel like I am talking to a brick wall.

Study your spelling words.

I love you, I am so glad you are a part of my family.

Two dogs are enough pets for this house!

Where is your shirt?

Please stop whining!

hawkeyejlp said...

Yes, you MUST wear panties.

Please take your finger our of your nose.

Yes, I heard you poot. Please say, "Excuse me."

Please stop barking/meowing/howling.

It's rude to (fill in the blank); please stop.

Tina said...

Made me laugh! Glad I'm not alone. Here are my most common:

*Don't come back inside unless you are bleeding or your butt is on fire.
*Change your tone of voice (8 year old daughter)
*There is no way you are hungry again (5 year old son)
*For the love of all that is holy! (usually said when I find a huge mess that I will be cleaning up)
*Friends come and go but your brother/sister will be forever! (I say this to freak them out!)

South of Six Mile said...

I don't have children, but I was a nanny for a few years. It was more of my mannerisms that were like my mother. Each time I disciplined the children, I would grab their arm like my mother used to do. haha I can't wait to have kids. I'm sure I'll have my mother written all over me.

Melanie said...

HA! I LOVE the post and all of the comments! My favorites are:
"I will just turn this car around..."
"Don't pee in the tub"
"There are millions of kids that would love the [fill in the blank with your favorite mixture] casserole that you won't eat"
"We don't jump on the bed/couch/etc."

Glad I'm not alone!!!

Dawn said...

Oh my goodness, great post!! So some of mine are:
You CANNOT eat breakfast in your underwear! (I have sons)
Get your finger out of your nose
No Xbox until after school is done (we homeschool)
Are their parents going to be home?(we also have teens)
Put the dog down
Go do your chores
Please put your laundry IN the basket
HOW old are you?
Get your feet off of my kitchen counter!

HaB said...

"I don't have time for blood and guts today"

"stop picking at your butt"

"Please stop sticking cat food up your nose"

Megan (FriedOkra) said...

Be GENTLE.

You'd better slow down ... be careful ... stop doing that or ... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH ... someone's going to get hurt.

That is such an ugly thing to have come out of such a pretty little mouth.

Could we PLEASE ratchet it down a notch? NOW?

If you ask for it, you have to actually eat it.

-or-

If I make it, are you going to eat it? ARE YOU SURE?

deanna said...

The furtiture is not a jungle gym.

Everyday, many times a day.

Jenny86753oh9 said...

"Please stop doing that at the table."

"Stop licking the dog."

"Where is your underwear?"

"Boogers do not belong there."

And every time we leave the house: "I do not have 3 hours to waste in the ER so stop playing battle."

Jennifer said...

I love this post, at least I know it's not just me that repeats myself day in and day out!! THANKS

"Crayons are not for eating!"
"We don't eat markers!"
"Only put food in your mounth, nothing else!!"
"No, your brother didn't open the gate all by himeself."
"What did you do to your brother?"
"No your brother didn't walk into a wall, AGAIN!!"
"Stop picking up the baby"
"We don't treat our stuff that way"
"Stay off the play house" we have a playhouse in the playroom
"Show a good example" usually followed by
"Is that a good example?"
"No that is not your toy"
"These are the family's toys, we all share!!" (we keep the mutual toys in the play room their personal special whatever toys are in their rooms)

Amy@TheCircusMcGurkus.blogspot.com said...

My little guy is only a year old. These comments leave me vaguely terrified.

I think the funniest thing we chant regularly around here is "Dot, dot, dot, put your poo-poohs in the pot!" DS finds it hysterical.

Anonymous said...

No, I do not know where your...

shoes
brush
key
homework
lunchbox

is!

bridget {bake at 350} said...

"You make a better door than you do a window." (Standing in front of the TV.) :)

Deann said...

Our two "favorites": "We don't spit on the carpet!" and "Stop licking the shower door!" ~sigh~

Melissa Brotherton said...

I thought of more...
- Teeth are for chewing food, not our friends.
- You made the mess, you clean up the mess
- Don't touch your pee-pee.
- Don't jump in the shower.

These are hilarious!! Thanks for helping me to feel like I'm not alone. :)

Jessica D. said...

Right now the phrase is " I don't understand whining!"

I swear I use this 100 times a day!

Michelle said...

lol my hubby says, this is why we can't have nice things, all the time! heehee

okay, here's mine

do you want me to call daddy

yes, we have to go to Wal-mart again

whatever {i'm so adult like}

i will throw it out the window {when driving...i always remind them i have done this before}

i don't understand you when you talk like that

{sigh} does sighing count...i do that all.the.live.long.day

Christibear said...

We currently have three girls (12, 10, and 7) and a 4 year old boy. Lately our sayings have been:
I love you.
I'm sorry but I can't marry you, I'm your Mommy.
Where are your underwear?
What's the rule in this house?
No there's not a baby in your tummy. (My boy wants a baby brother)
Whose idea of clean is this?
Wiggle the handle! (On the toilet)
When's the last time you had a bath? If you can't remember, it's way past due!
Unless you're bleeding or throwing up, I don't want to hear it! (When they are arguing)
Down in front. (Standing in front of the TV or between me and Daddy when we're trying to talk)
If I have to go in there and look for it and I find it, you're in big trouble!

Lora Lynn @ Vitafamiliae said...

My favorite from yesterday was "Don't lick your leg."

Rhonda said...

This reminds me of The Mom Song. Have you heard that? It's great.

YouRockMom said...

"Get outta bed!" I have a tween and a teen. I often say that on school day. On weekends I say, "What time did you get outta bed to play Xbox." Maybe if I let them play Xbox on a school day morning, they'd get outta bed. NOT!!

Robin said...

Lately it seems I'm saying every other minute: "Someone let the dog in." or "Someone let the dog out." or "Someone let the other dog in." or "Someone let the other dog out."

Someone please tell me why we have two dogs and no one can hear them except me.

a little bit of everything said...

Indeed this reminds me of The Mom Song which you can view at: http://forthardknox.com/2009/05/09/the-mom-song/
It's is all too true...and when they are out on their own, you're thrilled to just get a returned phone call or email!

Bobbi Janay @When did I go from a kid to a grown up? said...

I heard the fight quote more then once growing up. I think it is just part of being a parent to have momism.

Crista said...

Why are you naked?

How did you get naked?

Young ladies don't play with their girly bits in public!

Where did your diaper go?

Get your finger out of your nose.

Did this get dropped in the toilet?

When oh when will you finally be potty trained?

Katie Lewis said...

You are a child, not a bird or a dog or a horse or a insert animal of the day that makes an extremely annoying sound here

Why are you naked?

Where are your shoes, socks, pants, other article of clothing that I've already put on you twice today and somehow keeps disappearing from the house completely.

Put your sister down.

Get your finger out of your nose.

Sit on your butt.

Stay at the table. Stay at the table. STAY AT THE TABLE!

Jeez...which I must say way to much b/c the 2 year old says it to her brother now....

What was I thinking? (we have 5 - 12, 5, 4, 3 and 2. Clearly I wasn't)

Where is your father?

Take the dog out. Yes, again. And maybe longer than 30 seconds this time.

Shut the door when you pee.

Who's in the bathroom now?

Is it bedtime? :) Please?

Amy said...

* Sit on your bottom (which is funny because really where else are they going to sit?)
* Please stop screaming
* We do not hit
* We do not spit
* Gently please!
* Do not chase the cat
* Do not mow on your sister! (obnoxiously loud plastic mower)
* I love you to the moon and back
* You are my sunny, funny boy/sweetie peetie girl.

michelle said...

Don't paint the dog.
Knives aren't toys.
Put your clothes back on!

Mela Kamin said...

very funny post ... I say similar things too - feel like a broken record most of the time, but I must be on mute, because no one ever seems to hear or listen!

Where's your lunchbox?
Are you done with your homework?
No, you may not play Wii before school?
You do not get rewarded for bad behavior.
Hands out of your pants.
Use a tissue!
We're not leaving until you put on your hat & gloves. (it's very cold here)
Get some self control.

NJ said...

If you bite Mommy's boobie you are done nursing (over and over and over to my almost eight month old).

Hildie said...

These are great! While I was talking to my friend on the phone her daughter's were SUPPOSE to be mucking the horse stalls. I hear:
"Stop hitting your sister with the pitch fork and stop throwing poop at each other"
I only have one child at home, so my Momisms don't get very original just the basic:
How many times have I told you....
Because I'm the Mom and I said so.
Do not wipe your boogers on the wall (she is too lazy to get off her bunkbed at night to get a tissue).

MarytheKay said...

Mommy needs a little space
Is your room clean?
PLEASE QUIT YELLING!!!!
Please let Mommy finish her "computer work" first.

Condo Blues said...

When I say That's why we can't have nice things, my Husband sits up proudly, smiles, and says Yeah! Of course we say this just to poke fun at each other.

I say Go Potty alot but that's to the dog on cold wet days, when he's taking his good old sweet time on cold and wet days.

The scary momism is "This is not a restaurant" said to a picky nephew when I said that there was nothing for him to eat at dinner. When I tried to pull that, I got the response I gave from my Mom. HELP ME I'VE TURNED INTO MY MOTHER!

Holly said...

"Act your age"
"Put the seat down"
"Get a tissue"
"Please pick up your shoes, shirt, pants, belt..." You get the idea
"Please hang up your towel"
"I am not a waitress."
but my favorite is...
"Do you know how much I love you"
"Give me a hug"

Kelly said...

I am SO glad I am not the only mom who has to address nakedness daily. Seriously.

I say, "Put on your clothes."

"No snack."

"No, you can't have m&ms."

"No, you can't watch a movie."

"No whining."

"Stop crying. You're not bleeding."

"We don't quit in this house."

"It's time you learned to be grateful for what you have."

Sara Cart said...

(Some of these are aimed at my middle school aged students since my son is only 7 months old.)

"Don't poke the dog in the butt."
"Walk it off."
"Time to put on your big boy/girl pants."
"You're fine."
"No blood, no foul."
"Does somebody need a diaper change?" <--- I say that more to my students than my son.
"And who made the poopie!"
"Ooowawawawa to you too."
"Get your hand out of your diaper!"

Sara Cart said...

(Some of these are aimed at my middle school aged students since my son is only 7 months old.)

"Don't poke the dog in the butt."
"Walk it off."
"Time to put on your big boy/girl pants."
"You're fine."
"No blood, no foul."
"Does somebody need a diaper change?" <--- I say that more to my students than my son.
"And who made the poopie!"
"Ooowawawawa to you too."
"Get your hand out of your diaper!"

Jeanette said...

Those all sound so familiar! But with 3 teen girls in the house I often say.....

* Your shower time is up!
* Is your homework done?
* Get out of the pantry.
* No, we are not going back to Walmart, we were just there!
* Are you up?
* When do you have to be there?
* You can get glad in the same pants you got mad in.
* Get out of the pantry AGAIN!
* No, I don't know where your shoes are, I didn't wear them last.
* No, you may not wear my shoes because you will lose those too!
* No, you may not drive, we have to get there sometime today.
* Make good choices!
* Enjoy your day and I love you!!

I am giggling over the "get your finger out of your nose" comments. I SO remember those days :}

KellyS said...

I know what you're up to - remember Mommies know everything.

Excuse me? Excuse me!

Actually..... (adopted by my kids, too)

#1 - Look at my nose - (followed by something important I need their attention for)

(And it's so funny to see how many of us are telling kids to get their finger out of _____. That's in my house, too).

sclevenger said...

I think I say these daily:

don't eat it!
no candy
wait wait wait!
can I kiss your face off?
listen and obey
oh my, what a mess! (which my 2 year old now says, too)

but my favorite was "we don't put meatballs in our hair."

GLENDA CHILDERS said...

Please keep your germy fingers out of your mouth.

GLENDA CHILDERS said...

Please keep your germy fingers out of your mouth.

GLENDA CHILDERS said...

Please keep your germy fingers out of your mouth.

GLENDA CHILDERS said...

I have no idea why my previous comment copied 3 times, but I thought it was funny, since the topic is things we say to our kids over and over and over again.

ChainedAngel said...

Are you wearing underwear?
Have you brushed your teeth in the past three days?
Seriously- is it that hard to shut the bathroom door BEFORE you go pee?
Don't forget to wipe!
Am I the only person in this house who knows how to change the toilet paper roll?
Why is there no toilet paper in the bathroom?
Why is the toilet paper in the living room/kitchen/dining room/toy room?
Why do you have underwear on your head?
Child- your mother is hard of hearing. PLEASE stop mumbling.
Just because your mother is hard of hearing does NOT give you permission to SCREAM.
No I have not been on the computer all day. Somebody made you food, washed your clothes, cleaned up your messes, washed the dishes you dirtied... That was me. And no you may not play Runescape right now. I have to catch up on blogs, facebook, twitter, myspace, email...

Jennifer @ Back at the hive said...

Please don't play in the toilet.
Where are your pants?
Why is there paint in the cat's hair?
The cat food is for the cat, not for little girls.
Please do not lick the butter while it's still in the tub.
Please do not like the peanut butter while it's still in the tub.
Please get off your sister.
Please get off the cat.
Please get off the counter.
Please quit dancing on the coffee table.
Please quit jumping on your bed.
Please quit jumping on the couch.
No, you can't put on my makeup.

I could go on, but I'm too worn out!

Anonymous said...

Sisters are forever.
Please don't sit on your sister.
June
Kennlaff@comcast.net

Jamey... said...

You can't help me cook unless you're wearing undies.

We have company coming. Now you have to wear pants.

Take your undies off your head.

Stop growling at your brother.

Find your self control before you talk to me.

He doesn't mean to wreck your train track he's just a baby and that's what babies do.

Look! Daddy's home!!

Bailey's Leaf said...

Don't touch.

Stop wiggling.

Did you tidy up your things?

Did you remember your boots?

I believe I already answered that question. (100x probably.)

No, I won't pinch your pimple. (On her arm, a request made at 5:30 AM.)

No, I won't change your CD for you. (A request made at 5:00 AM.)

I promise, you won't starve. (A full meal eaten 5 minutes ago.)

No, we aren't there yet. Does it look like our destination? (Specifically referring to the cloverleaf the we were driving on this weekend, but we're asked often.)

When Mommy says no, she means no.

One or none.

This is not an option.

You do not get a choice.

Finally, for the love of Pete and Pete's brother Pete, PLEASE STOP!

Spring said...

LOL! This may be my favorite post ever! Some of mine are like others' before me:

Did you wash your hands?
How old are you going to be before you wipe yourself?
I want to hear kindness!
That doesn't sound like kindness!
Save the drama for the stage. (Drama queen (age 8)recently tried being in her first show and loved it... I've been telling her she was destined for the stage since she was 2 and I asked her "why do cry so much... do you LIKE crying? Is it FUN?" and she said "yes.")
That is furniture, NOT a jungle gym!
Did you do your ______? (We homeschool, plus the kids help around the house... I think I'll put this one on an mp3 player and just loop it.)
Use a tissue.

Heather Casey said...

LOL Mine are alot like yours!

Stop spitting at me.
Don't spit.
Do NOT put that in your mouth.
Don't spit.
Please don't bark like a dog in my ear.
If it's not food, don't eat it.
Stop barking like a dog.
We don't talk about poop at the table.
I love you bunches
What are you doing?
Get down, your going to break your neck.

Spring said...

I forgot the one my husband and I BOTH say the most:
DIDN"T I JUST FEED YOU!?

Suzy said...

20 years ago to my son & now to my daughter (aged 3): That's NOT a toy.
You wouldn't be hungry if you'd eaten your (breakfast, lunch, dinner); I'm on the phone - please give me a minute; you don't have to shout; what do you mean you don't want it? you just asked for it?! It's a good thing God made you so irresistible.

Janey said...

I'm glad many of these are familiar. Makes me feel better. We have a 14yo boy and a 10yo daughter. Here are things I find myself saying frequently:

"How should I know where your shoes are? I didn't wear them last."

"You just went upstairs to go to the bathroom. Why did you take off your shirt?"

"PLEASE go take a shower, and PLEASE put on deodorant!"

"But we JUST had breakfast!"

"Because I'm the mom, and that's my job."

"I know better than that. I didn't just get off a cruise ship yesterday."

"Stop whining!"

"Stop arguing!"

"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Boy, do I remember my mom saying that one.

"Alright, who at the last of the ___________?"

The Martin Family said...

Oh so good! I'm so glad everyone shared. I have two girls, 5 yrs and 3 yrs.

I can't understand you when to talk to me like that. Try again. How do we ask for something we want?

Please sit on your bottom.

We do not take, we ask.

No jumping on the furniture.

Chairs are for sitting.

Excuse me, do your shoes/clothes belong in the middle of the floor? Where should we put them instead?

Do not hit your sister!

Do not pull hair!

We can't get a new house with a pool if you won't help pick up your toys. (our house is on the market)

You are my favorite Abigail.

You are my favorite Katherine.

That's not a real hug...I want a great big squeezin' hug.

I love you. Sweet dreams.

Tracey said...

Stay seated

Don't play with your place mat

That's how spills happen

SHARE!

That's not loving

Go get on the potty

Your head smells so good, let me smell your head again

I could squish these cheeks right off your face they are so cute

What does your mother feed you? (during diaper changes)

You can't have a sword fight unless the other person has a sword. Go get the other sword.

I love being your Mama

Lynn said...

Are you whining?
Don't make your sister fuss.
Did you just hit your sister?!?
Come here!!!

Love this post....especially the paragraph about things breaking. Hilarious.

Kim said...

So funny! I say many of the same ones.

Around here its . . .

Shoes off the couch.
Moose - focus (homework time).
Move Move Move
No, you can not have a snack you just ate.
You need to brush your teeth longer than 5 seconds.

Teaching Money to Kids said...

We are not booger eaters.

We never leave the bathroom without underwear on.

And to my hubby: I think they are yours...

Stef said...

"how many times do I have to tell you ... "

"did you wash your hands"

"what is going on in their"

"don't do that to your brother"

"are you being kind"

"no", "no", "no" - unfortunately, I say that one a lot.

krisr said...

To my 8 year old son:
Ask Daddy.
Don't wipe that on your shirt.
Yes, you HAVE to brush your teeth.
Please get a Kleenex.
Try to say that again-nicely.
Because I'm the Mommy thats why.
No, fruit snacks are NOT fruit.
What do you say when you burp?
Don't chase the cat.
Its all fun and games until someone gets hurt.

I Love You and Sweet Dreams!

The Fullingims said...

I have 2 girls (2 & 4) and another girl due in April. My most common momisms...

-- if you can't sit on the couch properly, you can sit on the floor like a dog

-- if you interrupt me while I'm on the phone, one of you better be bleeding

but the strangest thing I ever said... "why do you have sparkles on your butt?"..

Carrie said...

I BEG your PARDON....


And the gem of this family...
When someone asks why so and so gets such and such, I say, "Because they are my favorite." I have said this SO many times about all of the children that it just shuts them all down...I am sure it sounds weird to an outside ear, but my children all know that I do not have favorites and the question jsut fizzles out...surprisingly enough, I still get the questions...now, if I knew why that would be a beautiful thing....because they already KNOW my answer.
About another post....too lazy for individual posts...I LOVE your necklace...and I would love one too...so I hope you do sell them...what a great idea...and congrats on your adoption...I cannot wait to hear more about it.
Love,
C~

bethzheart said...

This is exactly what I needed today. My two girls are 4 years & 18 months.
We say...

Please sit on your bottom.
No you may not have fruit snacks.
I love you THIS much.
We need to leave. Have you...brushed your teeth, gone potty, gotten dressed?
Why are you naked?
Are you stinky?
No you may not have fruit snacks.
I said sit on your bottom please.
It is only obedience if you do it the first time I ask.
Did you wipe, flush the toilet, wash your hands?
If you can't sit on your bottom then you can sit on the floor.
Please don't do that to the dog.
No fruit snacks.
You are my most favorite (insert name here)in the whole world!
Where are your pants?
If you can't follow my directions then you can't help mommy cook.
Please don't pick your nose.
What do you say? (please, thank you, excuse me)
If you want to play rough then you have to be tough.
You get what you get and you don't throw a fit.
No thank you I don't want your (finger, toy, previously chewed up food)in my mouth.
Please use your inside voice.
You can not eat fruit snacks for breakfast.
Sit on you bottom right now!

There are so many more.

My favorite came from my best friend when we were on the phone. Said to one of her three boys...
"Please hand you little brother the gun so he can have a turn too!" in reference to a toy of course.

Joy said...

Now that my kids are driving, I say mainly two things,Watch your speed and wear your seatbelts...lol
I work in a library and the other day I was in the restroom and a lady was helping her toddler use the restroom and I heard her say.."Josh where are your underwear?" I got a chuckle out of that. Have a great day!

Heather B said...

Why are you commando? (Is anyone else commando?)

Do NOT make the baby scream!!

Mostly I answer this question 1001 times a day, "What's for supper?" Doesn't matter where I write it or how many times I say it. Even the two year old asks now.

My favorite - "This is a no whining, pouting, crying, hollering ZONE!"

Candi said...

We do not stand in the chair.
No, you can't have the remote control.
Please, stop.
Don't strangle your brother.
Stop.
Leave him alone.
Stop!
What did you do?
Did you wash your hands?
Are you stinky?
Please bring me a diaper and wipes.
Did you go potty?

and last but not least:

Because I said so. - Which I promised I'd never say, and I said it!

suzannah @ so much shouting/laughter said...

dog food is for DOGS!

suzannah @ so much shouting/laughter said...

don't put play-doh in your brother's mouth. in fact, don't put ANYTHING in your brother's mouth! :)

Michelle Potter said...

Stop jumping on my couch. Don't climb over the back of my couch. Don't jump over the arm of my couch. Go around!

Don't rock back in the chair, that's how chairs get broken. Sit on your bottom. Get your knees off the table! (Yes, KNEES.)

Step OVER, not ON. (This is for getting out of the tub, and stepping OVER the side, not hopping up ONTO it and giving Mommy a heart attack when you nearly slip and fall.)

Put your things INSIDE your school bag, and CLOSE THE ZIPPER.

Either stop being wild, or go outside! (Can you tell that I have four sons and one wild tomboy preschooler?)

It's your choice. You can either do as I say, or get a spanking. What do you choose? (My stubborn 3yo is suddenly willing to do anything I say when I present it this way.)

You are not the mommy. You can't make other people do what you want. You can't make them behave; you can only make YOU behave.

Pay attention. (Ha! So far FOUR out of nine members of our family have been diagnosed with ADD, including me. But I keep saying it!)

You're a freak. (Hey, this is a term of endearment in my house -- we are ALL freaks, and LOVING IT!)

You're my favorite (child's name) ever. You're the best (child's name) I ever had. (Which becomes...) I didn't like the other (child's name) I had before you, so I got rid of him. I like you way better. (I told you we were freaks!)

I love you. (I do!)

Anonymous said...

We have 3 kids, ages 9, 7 and 4. I've used almost all of the above quotes! The one that stops my kids in their tracks:
My first name is not "but!"

Tami said...

"Do not spit" - I can't even begin to count how many times I've said that one. Why do they do that? Yuck!

JanMary said...

You do NOT live in an hotel!

Your coat/bag/shoes/wellies/whatever don't belong there on the floor.

I have better things to do with my time than pick up after you lot.

.....and finally.....

YES, I would love a cup of tea! (My daughters can make a great cup of tea!)

Rett said...

You might want to take two trips.
Did you brush your teeth?
What's more important--your stuff or your sister?
You look adorable.
Take those earbuds out.
I'm leaving right now.
No.
I love you.
Who left this laying here?
Who dumped their stuff right here?
I'm so proud of you.
Make good choices.

Shannon said...

One time I said, "Don't salt the hippo." For real. I can't even remember the context, I just thought "WOW, I can't believe I actually said that sentence." Then I thought if I ever started a mom blog, I'd name it either "Don't Salt the Hippo" or "Rocks In My Dryer", and guess which one won? ;)

Jenn @ Beautiful Calling said...

Oh my. Reading the comments to this post made me laugh!!!

I say:

Is that kind?
Use your little voice. (though I am wondering if they actually came with little voices)
Get off your sister/brother.
Do you have to go potty?
Don't eat your purse! (Chloe on Sundays)

Charlotte said...

My grandkids live with me and they are now teenagers. Some of my everyday sentences go like this:
When did you know this incomplete project was due in the morning? (this said at 10pm)
That dress is too short.
Those pants are too low.
Why do I have to be the chaffeur to your friends?
If I wash clean clothes again, I'll take them all away from you.
Where did you get that?
Cleaning the bathroom includes cleaning the toilet.
That is not appropriate for your age.
You're too old to be acting like that.
You're too young to be going there.

willowsprite said...

How about a kid-ism? I hear "What'r you doing mommy??" about a hundred times a day from my two and a half year old. :)

Kasey said...

LOVE IT!!! Something I say (in addition to the previously listed) is "You won't die from it"...whatever "it" happens to be at the moment. :)