*important announcement below!
So, you may remember I have pain in my neck from a damaged disc. I chickened out on surgery to fuse my vertebra because the doctor would be using a knife and it would hurt. And yo, there would be blood.
I opted to go the moderate route of medication, Cortisone shots, physical therapy and sweet tea (okay, the sweet tea part is mine).
I'd like to talk about muscle relaxers now. I like them. That is all. Except do not take them right before you pick up your kids from school. Or you might bring home an extra child. Or a dog that looks like a child. And you will see little pink bunnies everywhere.
I've had two Cortisone shots in the neck in the last month. I had relief from pain for five days after the first one and as I'm typing this, I've been pain free for a week and a half! Can I get a booya?
Because of the location of the injection, they treat this just like surgery. Twice now, I've not eaten after midnight (because Little Debbie snacks at 11:59 PM don't count), been stuck with three i.v.'s (last time the nurse missed the vein, so I got the buy one bruise, get one free deal), and been wheeled on a gurney WIDE AWAKE into the operating room filled with waiting medical professionals. Both times, they had me climb onto the table face down and they talked about what they were having for lunch. HELLO? Number one, I'm hungry. Number two, can you knock me out already? Or hold me?
Those moments in the OR are very surreal. This is such a minor procedure, but I'm telling you, there's just something about that sterile environment. Reminds me of home. Ha!
Seriously, though, I find myself praying really hard in my mind please don't let me die, please don't let me die, because I have oodles of faith, apparently.
The other pretty amazing thing is it's over just like that *snap of the fingers* and they don't want to let you finish your nap. The 14 1/2 minutes after the procedure is the best sleep of my life. WHY WON'T THEY LET ME NAP? Before I know it, an elderly volunteer with perfectly coiffed hair is pushing my wheelchair into the sunlight and talking about the weather.
Physical therapy isn't what I thought it would be either. Because they want me to do stretches and exercises with a large yellow rubber band. I've popped myself twice with that thing and it hurt more than my neck pain. I guess they didn't get the memo that my gym membership expired.
I'm the youngest patient by about 47 years, but I like that. My knee gets patted and I love talking with elderly people. Unless they cut in front of me in. I have to draw the line somewhere.
I'm not sure if the therapist really understands what's wrong with my neck. Because for weeks now, she applies pressure WITH ONE FINGER, not hard enough to squash an ant, counts to 10 and says, "Do you feel better now?"
I want to laugh hysterically every time. But I don't, I say, "Oh, yes, much better." Which is true, because laughter does the heart good. I keep going back because of the traction machine. It's a modern day torture device that stretches my neck and I LOVE it.
Nearly as much as the muscle relaxers.
*Note: I am on the lowest dose of the only non-addictive muscle relaxer and I only take it as needed. Or if I want to see those bunnies. JUST KIDDING, mom! And since I'm not feeling that great, I'm sticking with chicken soup and Tylenol.
P.S. Some time this week I will pass the ONE MILLION mark on blog visits (just in time for my 2 year blogaversary this week!!) The counter is at the very bottom of my blog. If someone can capture 1,000,000 with a screenshot and email it to me, I'll send a SURPRISE GIFT BOX of some of my favorite holiday things (more than $60.00 value!!). The first person to email me the picture wins! firstname.lastname@example.org
To take a screen shot on a Mac: hold shift, command, 3
To take a screen shot on a PC: (ALT) + Press the print screen button at the top of your keyboard. Copy and paste it into Paint or some kind of program.
....via my friends on Twitter (because I'm not that smart!)