I've had neck and back pain for nearly as long as I can remember.
It might be from The Great Log Ride Incident when I was 12. I decided to hide in the front of the log, so I would stay dry. It would have worked great, except that the rest of the log riders slid forward and crunched my spine.
My 'fro didn't get wet though.
Or maybe the chronic pain originates from my senior year of high school. Two weeks before prom, my date dumped me. It was a rainy day and I was crying, driving home from school when I ran a stop sign, hit another car and ended up with whiplash.
I made sure my ex-date got a good long look at me in my sexy CHRISTIAN prom dress (and the friend from my church youth group who I passed off as my new beau).
Through the years, I've tried a lot of different things to manage the pain. It's worked.
Until a few weeks ago. I couldn't lift my arms and legs one night. What started out as an achy feeling, turned into a scary episode of numbness and blinding pain.
On Monday, I visited a doctor who specializes in neck and back pain.
He ordered a slew of x-rays and an MRI to see if something was bulging, herniated or pinched.
I made the appointment for the first available.
My appointment was at 2:00 PM today.
I was excited.
I was excited because I'd obviously never had an MRI.
While my Mom watched my kids, I spent entirely too long trying to figure out how to wear the huge backless hospital gown the technician handed me.
I was having a good time, until he suggested I go to the bathroom first, "Since you are going to be in the tube for an hour."
Excuse me. Did he just say ONE HOUR? He explained I was actually getting three MRI's of my neck and back.
Even then, I pushed down the fear. And when he handed me ear plugs and started explaining that I couldn't swallow or take deep breaths or MOVE during the loud test, I shoved the negative thoughts away.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
"What if I can't do this?" I croaked.
I answered myself, taking a deep breath "Let me try."
I squeezed my eyes shut as the tube closed in over me and around me. I tried to lay very still and not swallow and not take deep breaths. I tried not to listen to the THUMP THUMP of the machine. I tried.
After an eternity passed, I heard the technician through the intercom, "Okay, that was the first 6 minutes. Swallow quickly, let's go again."
You've. got. to. be. kidding. me.
I tried to find my happy place again, but I think I lost it the second I realized I had 54 minutes to go in the noisy coffin as the technician barked orders, "Don't move, Don't swallow, You're breathing too deeply."
I tried to pray, to hum, to convince myself that I was safe and that I wasn't trapped.
The humming began again and just when I thought I could make myself endure it, he said, "I'm going to have to do that last one over again. You moved."
Add 3 more minutes.
And that's when I opened my eyes. White plastic surrounded me, inches above me and around me and I felt like I was in my Grandma's closet again. My cousins had pushed me in, locked the door and told the rest of the family, I was outside playing.
I was stuck in the back of the house, in the back of the closet for close to an hour. Maybe 54 minutes.
I squeezed the black button in my hand, signaling my defeat.
I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this.
The technician helped me out. I apologized. He was understanding. I asked for drugs. He wasn't that understanding. He sent me down for regular x-rays.
At the least, my doctor will prescribe a sedative for the next time I try. I'm hoping for an alternative.
I've always avoided tight, small places due to claustrophobia. But I had no idea an MRI would be so hard.
I can't believe I panicked.
And even as I type this, I am scared to go back.
Turns out the pain isn't just in my neck, I guess.
What are you afraid of?
I keep quoting "He has not given us a spirit of Fear, but a sound mind!"
71 comments:
I'm not afraid, but I hate impressions at the dentist. Just last year I threw up on an assistant. Poor woman. But I digresss... I felt so bad for you reading this. I try to close my eyes and rest during MRI's but I know that is difficult with the noise. I hope you can take something next time and have someone drive you home.
Oh man... that's hard. I wonder if they can give you something to help with that. I fell asleep last Friday in the MRI.. Can't believe I did with all that noise. But it was 7pm is my excuse. I hope you heal well.
Hugs to you! That was me a year ago! I never pushed the button and stayed in only bc I didn't want to do it again. I was freaked out! I didn't like having to hold my breath...my headphones had music and one of the songs during the holding breath for eternity was " Every Breath You Take" .... worse hour of my life! Hugs to you and pray that they give you drugs! I will if I ever have to do it again!
I feel your pain - MRIs are hard. Try a valium before the next time and have someone drive you. And take an eye mask - pretend you are at the spa. The tribal spa.
Try not to imagine you are being cooked for dinner while the tribal drums beat in the background. That's what it reminds me of.
I have issues with small spaces too. I have heard about open MRI's now, maybe you might be able to find one of the places for those.
Pat yourself on the back because you lasted way longer than I could have!!!
~Lori
www.petersonstlouis.com
You poor thing :( Definitely drugs next time!
I get freaked out by praying mantises of all things. That's right-the holiest of all bugs leaves me completely terrified. Always has. Now don't you feel better? At least people share your fear. I'm a loner with my phobia :D
As I was reading, I thought, "What's the big deal? Why not just use that time to take a nap? I bet you need one!"
But you know what? That's ridiculous! Because when I was in high school and college, I tried to fake bake in tanning beds several times. And every time, I got totally freaked out. For some reason, I was certain the hot bulbs were going to explode and impale my naked, white body.
Clearly, I have issues. :)
I'm sorry your test didn't work out. I hope they can figure out and treat your situation anyway!
Kristen I would probably be the same way. I don't have claustrophobia but I don't think I could lay still for that long.
I am afraid of spiders. Hate them. Don't want to be any where around them.
I hope if you have to go through that again the doctor can help ease your nerves.
Congratulations! You made it through! I too have endured the horrors of a hour long MRI. Mine was of my head. I repeated over and over to myself "Don't freak out. Don't freak out." I hope to never ever have to have another one!
I am afraid of MRI's and anything in tiny places......I did get an MRI once for 45 minutes, but it was only because I was laying on my stomach. I don't think I could do it face up.
I get a little creeped out just reading your account. I am also afraid of getting stuck under water, or getting pinned down. Yes, I am deranged!! :)
Suzanne
Bless your heart, hon!! I've not had to have an MRI, but I've heard of several people who had similar reactions! I pray that either the pain subsides or that your doctor will give you something to help when you have to have the tests redone!
Oh that's terrible. I almost felt like I was back in one those loud tubes as I was reading your post. I've had several MRI's and I endured them okay, as long as I kept my eyes closed, until the last time I had one. Open MRI's and sedatives for me from now on. Even taking benadryl works if it makes you sleepy.
And I hope you find out what's wrong and that you feel better soon! I have head/neck/back/hip/leg pain, so I know where you're coming from!
God bless.
That is horrible! I couldn't have done it either. Actually, I don't see how ANYONE could stay in there for an hour without drugs.
The more you try not to breathe, the harder it is to not take deep breaths.
I can only imagine the drama and hope never to go through it. I could not do it without Ativan or something. I hope they can give you something, then go through it and get it done, poor dear. My husband had one last month and fell asleep. He is so not claustrophobic, but I can relate to you very well. I will say a prayer for your next trip.
YOU OPENED YOUR EYES! I did the same thing, freaked and had to come out for the techs to talk me into going back in. I really cannot believe how much it affected me. Now when I have a closed (tube) MRI, they do it in stages, its really better knowing you will be in for a short time and can come out for a break. I am with you - its a coffin like feeling. See if this will work as you have a few areas, maybe they can give you a break in between.
I once had an MRI, w/out earplugs. I did get a towel for my eyes, I don't know how I survived.
Heights, hands down,but I'm not sure which is worse, heights or MRI/closely confined places.
HOpe you can make it through the next one, and find out about that pain in your neck!
I understand. It happened to me, a nurse. Ask for an open MRI. Don't give up.
I've had many a MRI in my day. I find it best if I am very tired when I go in. That way I fall asleep for most of it.
Hope your next one goes better for you!
Even as I read I was getting that paniced feeling...I'm sorry you had to go through all that, but I do hope you get some answers.
I have a questionable mole I'm hopefully having removed tomorrow...5 kids and I am freaking out about mole removal. Talk about messed up!
I do hope you feel better soon. Nothing is harder on a bad back than a toddler. I will pray for you.
I have had many MRI's and the best advice is to try to look in the little mirror above your head. You will see the room and not the inside of the machine. Open MRI's help some. Listening to music in between the really loud knocking noises helped me too.
During MRIs, I always have to focus on the little mirror inside, watching the techs at work. That and trying to quote things from memory in my head. Movie scenes, Scripture, lyrics to songs...
Hateful. So sorry you had to go through it.
I'm afraid of snakes. Paralyzing fear.
Check with your doctor. I think they can break it up. Two 30 min. tests. I've had several MRI's on my shoulders. Ask for headphones (or take some), eye covers and never open your eyes. My heart goes out to you. Neck pain after whiplash...me too from years ago. It's because I didn't go to a chiropractor and have it put back into place! Wish I'd known then what I know now. Lynn
I think the dentist has got to be it for me. Sometimes I wish I was still a kid and someone would just make me go to the dentist because it's so hard to make myself go!
As I was reading your story, I was reminded of this post by a friend. MRI's and spiders together, yikes!
http://imjustthinking.wordpress.com/2009/04/30/spiders/
There are different types of MRI equipment see if you can't find an open MRI in your area. Please be careful if your dr. suggests surgery do everything else first. I had some neck surgery( replaced 2 disc and a fusion) 3 years ago it not only did not help the pain but made things worse. I finally started seeing a chiropactor he helped me more in 2weeks than the surgeon did in 3 years. Good Luck
I'm sorry you had such a hard time. Do they have an Open MRI available in your area? I've been told they are absolutely marvelous if you're not good in small spaces. If not, I would say definitely do the drugs.
Oh, and I'm with someone else who already made this suggestion - find a good chiropractor. Contrary to what some people think, they're not doing "voodoo", they're not all obsessed with making you come back all the time, and a lot of insurance plans now cover office visits. I don't think I'd be walking or turning my head without mine.
I had to have an MRI in high school. My wish was that they could do something fun in there, like put some sort of tv in. Getting to bring your favorite (non-funny so you don't laugh and move) movie might make it a little easier since you're in there so long, right? I should invent that...
I'm half asleep, so forgive me if someone already suggested this - how about an OPEN MRI? It gives the docs the same results, but is set up much differently than the typical tube-like MRI. Great for anyone who has a problem with enclosed spaces. I know locally, the hospitals here don't have them, but there's an MRI Center that does. A little more legwork to get in, but SO worth it. It's not much different than laying on a table and getting an x-ray (ok, a little louder and there's a big tube instead of a camera, but you know what I mean).
Either that or a heavy dose of Xanax :)
I hate you had to go through that! I thankfully have never had to have an MRI.
I however did have chronic neck pain and back pain. Whiplash can most definately get your neck out of shape. I went to a wonderful chiropractor whom uses a gentle chiropractic approach with a tool.
I'm a new person! (Oh, forgot to mention biggest skeptic at first)
After about a month of going I had a great sense of well being. My neck does not hurt constantly...very rarely. Headaches...almost non existant now.
I would recommend finding a chiropractor...get a screening from them...see if they would recommend you going back for an MRI!
Hope it all works out for you!
God bless,
Rhonda
I'm not claustrophobic, but one hour? That's a long time!
Praying that the pain leaves and anything that was wrong heals.
Just reading your description makes me hope I never have to endure that. I think I would have freaked out too.
Seriously, a sedative should be a mandatory thing!
Heights!! I am an absolute wreck near anything even remotely high up.
That sounds just awful. A few minutes I could maybe handle, but a WHOLE hour-No Way! I sure hope I never need one!
I used to have a lot of fears and have a wee bit of anger, too.
Then my mom got stage 4 cancer.
What that has taught me is that I only, truly fear one thing. And that's going through something without God. Which I never have to do. And her cancer pretty much took care of my anger issues, too. Who has the time?
MRIs are hard, nobody can deny that. And its obvious that nobody bothered to explain the whole thing to you before you went. Sometimes doctors just take it for granted that we know as much as they do.
Just think of it as a practice run, shrug that one off and head back again with a little sedative. At least you'll know exactly what to expect this time:)
I'm sorry it was so hard for you! I can't imagine being in that thing for an hour, that's insane! Maybe somewhere near you has an open MRI. I think that might help. Good luck next time! I hope you feel better!
When I had my MRI they gave me these special glasses with a mirror on them and it looked like I was looking out at the door. IT helped so much. I was in so much pain from two herniated discs that I did not want have to come back again and do it. You should ask if they have them.
Interesting. I was taking The Man Beast to the doctor at the same time you were having your MRI. He has back pain. He's had it since he was 12, but this week, it's been unbareable. They gave him a week's worth of meds and it hasn't touched the pain.
They are talking MRI. I know TMB wouldn't do well.
Maybe we should try a chiropractor first?
Oh the trauma. Brought back the memory of mine. I remember my eyes dancing around while they were closed. Even the techs commented on them afterward. If I would've known they could see me it would have freaked me out even more. Sorry for you & saying a prayer for you.
I had to have an MRI on my knee. I blew it out skiing, we knew that I trashed the ACL and they wondered what else I did.
I'm thankful that I didn't have to go head first, but I was stuck in there, head out, for 45 long minutes. In my case, the MRI machine was a rental-- in a semi trailer, as it was a rental for the doctor owned facility I was at. This way, they could keep up with the latest machines. So what does that mean to you? The knocking and banging also brought shaking since the machine wasn't fastened down to a solid surface. I did stay in for the whole time, but when they opened the door I ran down the steps in tears (yes, with my bum knee and all.) Yikes. I am not a fan, but since I have metal in my knee, I can never have another one again anyhow!
Sounds HORRIBLE! I am so so so sorry. I also have had terrible back problems for many years. Before you consider surgery, I urge you to look into Pettibon. It's like physical therapy meets chiropractic care. It's a lot of work, but there are no MRIs!! :)
GOod luck to you!
http://www.pettibonsystem.com/
I have had an MRI every year for the past five years and I totally understand your anxiety. It helps if there is a mirror in the unit for you to look in so that you can at least see the technicians doing the test. Also, I make sure they have the cold air blowing on me because getting hot makes it even worse. And last, I would ask if they could take you out in between tests for a brief time. Good luck next time.
Did the exact same thing when I had it done. Next one they sent me to an open MRI. Much better. You still have to lay still, but the sides and top are open. And someone can go in with you and talk or read to you. Loved it until the bill came. Three times the price, but worth it if you are cluastrophobic.
Kristen,
What a tramatic experience for you - but, dear - how you always see the humour in life is so amazing! LOL - asked for drugs, and found the tech NOT to be that understanding ;-)
I have never had an MRI...but had a son that needed one. The worst part was not being able to do it for him, and having to sit at his feet to comfort him (the nurse sat at his head/front)
I am most scared of not hearing God, not being who he calls me to be.
Gentle Hug!
Unless someone has had an MRI, they probably won't understand. And even then, it's different if it's just for your knee, than when you go in head first.
I didn't think I had any fears about anything. I had an MRI prior to my knee surgery ten years ago. No problem. Yes, I was scared and yes, I prayed the ENTIRE time.
In 2007, I needed an MRI for my spine prior to surgery since it's laproscopic and they use the MRI to guide them! I had to go in head first. I panicked. I asked to leave and then asked for an "open MRI". The man handed me a list of places with an "open MRI". I had it done there and it was MUCH better! Just go to an open MRI; I am telling you it will be fine. No panic or nothing.
Good luck!
Oh Kristen, how awful. When I've had MRI's they gave me headphones with music. That helped me concentrate on something other than the awful banging.
I am still today absolutely debilitatingly terrified of the dark and of something being under the bed. I solved that one by having a waterbed. If the lights go out I freeze in terror. I have flashlights in multiple rooms of the house and candles in all of them. Thankfully I've never been afraid of what's in the closet.
I have "white coat phobia".....I just get very anxious being in any medical scenario. I am not sure if it is the vulnerable feeling of a doc with a clipboard/chart or what.
But I suck it up and go anyway.
I hope you find some relief soon with your neck/back.
I can relate. I too have claustrophobia! Thanks goodnesse for open MRI's here in Tampa! I am praying for you!
Hi Kristen,
I'm sorry you had to go through that, but you don't have to do it again if you don't want. I'm following up on Rhonda's comment. We started going to a chiropractor in the Spring area and he is a miracle worker. Plus he loves the Lord and gives the glory to Him for all healings.
I was like Rhonda a big skeptic, but I was like why not, every other drug and treatment has not worked. I'm 27 years old with chronic back/neck pain, have scoliosis and digestive issues that every other doctor said I was going to be on medicine for for the rest of my life. I don't take them at all anymore, but I'm not completely cured...yet. I have been going for almost 4 months now and have major improvements. He might be someone you want to check out.
I will be praying for healing, peace, and revelation for the course God wants you to take to have complete restoration. I know God doesn't want you to be in pain. Blessings, Allie
Just reading your post made my heart start to race and my breath come a little quicker. YUCK! I had an MRI not too long ago and they gave me some valium and put a light wash cloth over my face(I thought it was going to freak me out having it on there but it didn't). It worked, and I dozed/zoned the entire time and before I knew it, it was over. Good luck and I hope you start to feel better!
I feel for you...back and neck pain affects EVERYTHING you do! I had back pain for several years...stubborn to deal with it and just thought it'd get better. I finally couldn't take it anymore and went to a chiropractor. I was afraid to do this because I'd had a friend in high school that went 3 times a week and I was convinced the doctor just wanted to make some money! Anyways, I went for several weeks and off and on for a couple of months and then felt amazingly BETTER! I didn't have to go back for YEARS! I just went back once a few months ago and thought I'd have to do it again, but felt back to normal after a couple of days and one visit. Not saying that would cure what ails you, but I was proved wrong in my thoughts about chiropractors!
My sister-in-law recently had surgery for back/shoulder pain. She couldn't lift her arm very high, the pain killers weren't cutting it, so she decided to have the surgery. She felt sooooo much better soon after the surgery and is back to getting on with life. I know people are hesitant to have surgery, but dealing with constant pain gets in the way of life! I hope you are feeling better soon and that you find a way to get through the MRI. I say go with the drugs!!!
Check out other MRI facilities in the area. My last MRI I had offered special goggles that allowed me to watch a dvd. I chose the pilot episode of Bewitched. :)
Being able to listen to music would also help. I know that doing an MRI of the neck region is the hardest because they ask you not to swallow. I pray that you find out exactly what the problem is AND find a way to alleviate the pain. Maybe Pilates?
Cheryl
I totally understand. What I don't understand is why they designed the thing so you have to go in head first? If you could go in feet first and have your head near the opening, it wouldn't be nearly so bad.
Locate a place that offers an open MRI.
I just had two lower back surgeries for mine that was compressing my sciatic nerve AND they are now looking at my neck..I think I've had 4 or 5 different MRI's in the last 2 months...I keep my eyes closed. From the minute I lay on the table to the time they sit me up. I'm not so much worried about the space (although I do have an irriational fear of being crushed by them), I worry that the lights and whatever else is in there will blind me :) I know the open bore ones give a little more room - not completely open, but better. Good luck - it can be so frustrating!
I panicked in the MRI too!
The only reason I was able to finish was because I didn't want to start over. I just kept praying the same prayer over and over until I could be calm. And I kept my eyes SHUT.
Good luck and hang in there. It is worth it to find out what is wrong and how to get feeling better.
I've had both types of MRI's a couple of times and the open MRI is much better if you're scared of tight places. You still have to be extremely still and it's still loud but much easier to get through.
Oh my. I'm not terribly claustrophobic, but I don't know if I would be able to handle 1 hour of that either! I hope they at least got most of what they need, and if you have to do it again, it'll be 10 min. I'm still afraid of the dark. And afraid of heights. And I still get bad nightmares every once in a while.
Don't be too hard on yourself. That sounds just awful! So many people have done the same thing. I could NEVER deal with that myself. Drugs, YES!
I am definitely VERY afraid of small, enclosed spaces as well as of drowning and especially my children choking and not being able to help them. I could go on... Love & prayers to you, Kristen!
My throat started closing and I started sweating just reading your post. THAT would panic me.
My big fear is heights. If my husband wants to tick me off, all he has to do is buy the cheap seats at the Astros game. Those 2-story, steep escalators about send me to the loony bin...Id' rather take the stairs (except I'm also afraid of exercise.) ;)
I've had a couple of MRIs. One with relaxer and one without. Oh well the deal you lay on was so hard it almost did me in. Hope you get better.
An hour!!! It's been said before, but they should break it up. I'm not any more claustrophobic than the average person, but it certainly is a little frightening to be put into such a small space - God gave us the ability to have "healthy" fears. I realize you're not asking for suggestions, but in case it helps someone, here's what I did when I had mine.
The tech would say, "This segment is going to take 6 minutes and 14 seconds." So I would start counting and make a contest out of it (like grade school) to see how close I could get to nailing the actual time. Now I'm probably a little too left brained for most of you, but it worked for me. (That and a little mind over matter.)
I'm glad I don't have claustrophobia because I have MS which entails regular MRI's. I've just finished my 3rd set, in 3 years, and as long as there is music playing I try to close my eyes and enjoy the kid free time. :-) My worst moment comes when they lower the "cage" over my face before they back me in there. UGH! Next time, in addition to the drugs, see if they have headphones or something. That really helped the last time.
Oh, and the second time I had it done I had a cold and couldn't stop coughing. I ended up having to do parts of it twice. :-(
In my case, it would be easier to list things that don't frighten me. I broke out in hives during a CT scan. I had no idea until they let me out of the dreadful machine. An MRI sounds even worse. I hope they figure out your problem using xrays.
I haven't had one, but my husband, who has never shown a smidgen of claustrophobia, did, and he was nearly undone by it. He was with me after that when a doctor started asking some leading questions, and my husband said, "Are you asking her if she wants an MRI, because she doesn't!" I had a CAT scan instead, which has its own areas of yucky, but nothing like what I imagine the MRI to be.
I got stressed just reading your account of it! Blech!
I have only had to have one MRI, and I kept having to try to calm myself during it because it made me so nervous. But, get this -- it was "only" 20 minutes and because it was my knee, they only put me in up to my shoulders. I kept varifying ahead of time, "Okay -- so you're definitely not putting my head in, right?"
I feel for you!!! I was in a head-on-at-55mph collision 10 years ago and have been in pain since. Because my neck was injured, I was terrified to try chiropractic. But I was also scared of drugs to manage the pain and surgery. Plus, I was pregnant at the time of the accident, then nursing for almost two years... so I endured the pain. I had a dr telling me I needed carpal tunnel surgery... even though I *knew* that I only had that pain when my neck especially hurt.
Three years ago, I finally got some recommendations from friends and found a great chiropracter. She made all the difference in the world! Sadly, we moved away and have been without insurance for two years, so I am back to living in pain. But I would so recommend a good chiropracter over surgical options. I pray you find some relief! And that your next MRI is less stressful. Blessings!
I can so relate. I had one done a few years back. It was only about 15 minutes, and it was the not breathing part that was hard. I remember thinking that if they didn't tell me to breathe soon I would black out. Strange thing is, I have become more claustrophobic as I have gotten older. I HATE being confined in small spaces, that never was the case before. I am don't like heights and have come to the conclusion I will NEVER fly on a plane again. The thought that I WILL be on one that crashes will not leave me. IRRATIONAL??? ABSOLUTELY!!!! Still, the thoughts persist.
Hope the X-rays prove good enough for some answers to your pain.
I've had back pain forever, and MRI's WILL HELP. So get the sedative, or ask them to spread them out so it's not as long.
Christina
crazystina
My first MRI i never got to the room with the machine- I took one look through the window and walked out. SCARY! I finally found an "open" mri- not perfect but better..and they let my husband go in and pray with me and hold my hand while they did the test...2 long hours......i"ll pray the next one is better for you- if you choose to do so.....
I'm so sorry you had to go through that! It doesn't seem like anyone would be able to do it for that length of time though! I don't think I'm claustrophobic, but who knows in that case? And of course if somebody tells me I can't swallow - that's exactly what my body wants to do more than usual.
I know that you are getting something different scheduled - I'll pray that all goes well!
I've had both the "tube" kind of MRI you described as well as an "open MRI" which was not nearly as bad. I don't believe they are as detailed, but perhaps you could ask to try one of those?I didn't feel nearly as claustrophobic in that one. I can certainly relate to your neck pains and I feel for you :( A few years back my SUV was flipped when a guy ran a stop sign. Since then I've had neck problems. The only possible explanation the doctors can give me ("since based on all our testing you have the neck of a healthy 25 year old female"--except I feel 80) is that my ligaments were pulled from the back of my skull and did not heal back properly, and randomly spasm and cause severe, throw-up-inducing pain. I went to a pain mgmt specialist which was a joke--he acted as though I was making it up. I've considered trying accupuncure but I'm scared. If ever I land on a miracle cure...well, I'll tell everyone I know! :)
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