Tuesday

And this Is Where I Hire Someone

I am not a Diva.


Nor am I a pampered lady.

I don't dress my pets or demand that my M&M's be sorted by colors.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.  Ahem.

My first pedicure and eye brow waxing was a Mother's Day gift when I was 8 months pregnant with my second child. So, about six years ago.  

Before that?  I made do.

I provided my own personal maintenance.

Even now, I budget a pedicure only a few times a year.  Well, because they cost a lot and I have all the children. 

Now, don't misunderstand me, I enjoy being pampered and I would act like a diva if the people would listen. But being a diva all by your lonesome, just isn't fun. No fun at all!

The other day I made an appointment. As I let the magic massage chair beat the tar out of my back, I closed my eyes.  Ahhhhh. Relaxing.  Until I heard this:

"What have you been doing?" the lady at my feet inquired as if I'd I worn sandpaper in my shoes to soften my feet.

"Oh, I've been taking care of them at home." I started to mention my handy PedEgg, but thought better of it because she was shaking her head disdainfully.  She was also scrubbing my feet quite fiercely. It was  bit painful.

I leaned back again and tried to find the zone.

"Why did you trim your toenails like this?" the lady asked.

Because they are MY toes? I didn't say it like that exactly, only in my head.

She worked for awhile and asked about my eyebrows.

"Oh yes, I need to have them waxed!" 

She nodded enthusiastically.

All that nodding? It hurt my feelings.  I must look like unkempt, I thought.
 
I followed the lady back to the room where they violently rip the hair from your body.

It is not for the faint-hearted.

She leaned in with her magnifying mirror.

"Oh, my, this is bad, very bad!" she said, shaking her head.

Before I could respond, she said, "You have almost ruined your brows.  See this area?  You have removed all the hairs! And this place here?  You've left too many hairs!!"

'Um, sorry?"

"Do not pluck your own eyebrows!" she complained.

Okay. At this point, I was a little scared. You know, because she's got hot wax.  I'm afraid she's going to look under my fingernails or notice the gray in my hair.

I'm also about to laugh hysterically.  Because I haven't been bossed around this much in years.

She finished the job, patted my on the shoulder and said, "You let me take care of you!"

Yes, ma'm!  Because I am not meant to provide my own personal maintenance.

And this is where I hire someone.  You know, when my ship comes in.

60 comments:

Cheri-Beri said...

I got a pedicure once and the owner of the shop did it. She asked me what I did for a living and I said I homeschooled my kids. She said very sarcastically, "Oh, you're really living the dream." I kid you not. I never went back.

Dawn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dawn said...

Getting my nails done is my one luxury in life that I do regularly - so I don't get snide comments too often. But, this last time I had waited a little too long to get them done - time that had included our week at the beach. I sat down and placed my hands on the table. The sweet little manicurist looked down at my hands, tsk-tsk'ed, looked up and said, "Honey, you wait too long to see me. What you been doin?"

And I pay for this treatment!

Bubba's Sis said...

That lady sounds scary! I think I would have run away crying.

P.S. He loves you... said...

She only said that to make you self conscience which you aren't right?

Hehe..although I think have a pedicure often is reward for being on our feet all day/night long so go ahead and just "do it" !

jOni lAnE said...

I think every person who has ever had their nails done at the "Nail Spa" has a story like this. You have to check out this comic's story about going to get her nails done. I was certain she was talking about my last trip there (except for the boyfriend part of course...since I'm married!)
http://lloydmountain.blogspot.com/2008/05/funny.html

Val said...

The first time I had my eyebrows waxed the lady asked if I wanted my lip done as well. I know I got wide-eyed, and just she patted me and said, "Yes indeed-You really need it!" Gee, thanks!

Joy said...

Talk about customer service!!! I'd never go back. I've gotten my nails done ONCE (for my wedding) and I've never had anything else done. They'd probably need to book me for 2 hours. I'm just not into getting all primped up and messed with.

By the way, I stole the idea that you stole from The Nester and painted my dry sink black. I'm going to get cute pink-glass knobs to put on the drawers. I'll let you know when I post pics so you can come and gloat---er--- be PROUD of one of your followers! LOL!

Cheryl said...

seriously...i was laughing at your entire experience!! you poor 'ole thing...I definitely would let her "take care of you". :)
Love it!!

Fawn said...

I'm with you. Just can't bring myself to spend the cash-o-la on toes. However, I will say when I'm sitting in the circle at church in our Sunday school class and all the pretty toes are there looking up at me, I become self conscience of my over-cut, painted off the nail and onto the skin, Fred Flinstone lookin' toes.

Whatever, I'd rather spend the $30 bucks at a garage sale.

See ya in Dallas!

LifeatTheCircus said...

So much for feeling like a princess, huh? I shudder to think what she would say about my eyebrows... last time they were waxed I was in high school. I used to regularly then...can't imagine having three small kiddos sit watching while Mommy has the hair ripped off of her face!

The Fritz Facts said...

I get pedi's twice a year, and that is it. I can't afford anymore, and I am majorly tickelish. it is not always a fun experience. lol

Happy Mommy said...

The nerve! I think her sales tactics were a bit off! I love getting a massage but as for pedicures and eye brow waxing I do it myself. Good thing, I may be doing it all wrong.

Sophia (Adventures of Brown) said...

Don't take it personal. lol They're always trying to upsell something by making you feel bad about it. I do my own pedicures but not my own nails or eyebrows and every single time I'm in there (every 2 weeks), they give me that "look" about my feet. And usually try to talk me into a pedicure because "dey look so bead". lol It's ok - it's not you.

Memarie Lane said...

Sounds like they were just browbeating you (rimshot!) into utter dependence upon them.

MaggieLousMommy said...

And this explains EXACTLY why I've NEVER had a professional mani-pedi or waxing! I don't have the time or feel like splurging to be bossed around or made to feel bad about what I chose to do with my brows & nails.

laytonfamily said...

I don't get pedicures because it tickles too much - the only one I've gotten was for my wedding, and I thought I could get a fancy french manicure polish - oh no, after she clipped and filed them even ... I had to stick to something else.

Go get a massage next time, they don't even talk to you! And you can enjoy it more.

Lisa J said...

I laughed at your experience, but think I might have been a little intimidated by the demands. I also picture this being done to you by a little pettite woman who might even wag a finger in your face and tell you no no. No more do it your self!!!

Valarie said...

What is so funny, is I can hear the little woman saying all this in my head.

Tales From the Eurovan said...

Ouch! That sounds painful, both physically and emotionally. You don't want to come home from a spa day more stressed! Take care, Julie

Suzie said...

Ill be a diva with you so you wont have to do it all alone.

The Source said...

The last time I was at the mall with my daughter, a Crazed-Dead-Sea-Salt-Seller grabbed my hand as we walked by and demanded "WHY don't you take care of your nails!??"

Let me tell you, THAT'S not the way to sell me your hand scrubby stuff!

Kendrawolf said...

Go someplace where they don't speak ANY English. That's the ticket!

iPost said...

Oh...I feel the pain. I only go about once a year. And boy to i receive the riot act. They all go running for the back room when they see me coming!

leopardspots said...

I found your blog from FritzFactz. I was laughing. I do my own pedi's way too scared to go in. But every time I get the brow and lip wax, the deep philosophical differences of how I want my brows to look and how my "waxer" says they should look...well, like you said she is the one with the hot wax!

Lisa said...

I have never had a real pedicure. I do it all myself. I used to get my eyebrows done, but I have no idea where to go in this new state I live in. So I am stuck doing them myself. They arent pretty, but at least it does not look like I have a hairy caterpillar crawling across my forehead!!

blessedwith5 said...

I don't know if I would have been as gracious as you were! She seems a bit abrasive! Was she one of the really large SWEDISH gals that offer massages too?

Lora Lynn said...

Go watch this comedian on youtube. Hilarious. And I swear I've had that experience in a nail salon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsWrY77o77o

Heather said...

I'm a nice Christian girl, and I know I'm supposed to be gracious and turn the other cheek, but...if some uppity salon "technician" talked to me like that, I'm pretty sure I would tell her to bite me!

That said, my eyebrows are out of control, and my feet are just disgusting, but now I'm too afraid to go to a salon!

happyathome said...

Pedicure is a once a year thing for me, I do it myself all of the other times. As for wax, oh yea, leave it to the professionals! Thanks for sharing! Stop by my tackle for a continuation of my front porch makeover!
http://www.lifeislikechampagneblog.com/

mama wants more said...

That is why I've never had anything waxed--I'm way too afraid of what other people will say or think. So insted, I just keep walking around with my own self-plucked, self-shaved body hoping for the best and that no one looks at me too closely.

Threeundertwo said...

Why do we let these people treat us like this?

Frankly, I would have been skimpy on the tip.

I just take care of my own grooming. This is such a racket.

Amy said...

Always been afraid to get a pedicure- you hear about all the bacteria in those places.
The lady sounds a bit uppity for me.

You are so funny-I love how you tell a story.

Lynn said...

Oh no she didn't!!!! What a way to ruin the pampered feeling. She was like 17, right? and like had like nothing better to do than like criticize you...while popping her bubble gum...

...at least that's the image in my head.

mamajil said...

Oh how dreadful!!
I bet it made it hard to enjoy the day of pampering with that sort of reprimand!

marky said...

I dont' think my fragile self esteem could handle such words! LOL I think that I will just stick to doing it myself ;-)

Sara said...

I have had one manicure, one pedicure, and one eyebrow waxing since getting married 4 years ago. I don't have time. And the last pedicure ended with minor outpatient surgery on my big toe. She was trying to upsell. It's why back when I didn't have kids, or a house, or a husband, I went every two weeks to my hair stylist for the eyebrow waxing. She knew better than to say anything!

Woman said...

I pluck my eyebrows myself. i don't want anyone messing with me i so close to my eyes. And as for the toes, I have been battling toenail fungus for a while so those I do myself also.

Ok, Where Was I? said...

I've never had a pedi, mani, or any waxing. Ever! But now I'm totally paranoid about what I've done to my own toes and eyebrows.

jewels said...

Gee, that sounds like a relaxing time! Makes me want to sign up for a spa day! Ha ha ha.

I guess I am way behind on the times because I have never had a pedicure or a waxing....or a real massage. My cousins and aunts cannot believe I have not had a pedicure before. Looking at my feet though, I should probably get one!

I have to ask.....was your spa lady Asian by any chance? We have a lot of Asian women in our area working at nail salons and I have heard many times how blunt they are!

gina said...

lol.

and your readers rock! I followed the links they left (two to the same bit) and it was FUNNY -so true!- which made it FUNNY!

Karen said...

I've never been pampered in that way. And, after all the blogs I've read of wonderful experiences at the spa, I think I will continue to manage my own personal hygiene and maintenance. Ha ha! Nothing like a day at the spa to crush your soul!

D... said...

I have never had a pedicure nor my eyebrows waxed (could surely use both). That lady might have scared me away from ever having them done! ;)

AGSoccerMom said...

LOL, I have had a pedi but they didn't talk to me like that, too funny. Maybe because I didn't pay it was a gift certificate. If I went to where you went she would of went in the back room for a shot or two before being able to continue. Cuz I never go to salons for anything other than a cut. I do it all myself, I am too cheap.

Beachy Mimi said...

They always want to get ahold of my eyebrows. Why is that? I haven't let them yet...

Muthering Heights said...

LOL, I have never had any of those services provided professionally...I don't even want to know what she would have said about me!

sassy2 said...

Having always been embarrassed by my toes I avoided pedis until one time. Mistake. I told the lady she must have seen toes way worse than mine. No. That was her answer. No more pedis for me! They're not gnarly or sprouting legs or anything! lol

thediaperdiaries said...

I don't even attempt to do my own feet. Although I do use my Ped Egg from time to time.

As for my brows, I was once getting them waxed and the woman asked a little too enthusiastically if I would also like my lip done. when I said no, she shook her head. As if too say "Poor mustached lady, why won't she let me wax her."

Oddly enough I have not gone back there since. And for the record. I do not need my upper lip waxed. Just so you know.

ispeakbeanish said...

The Ped Egg is the best. My feet have stayed smoother with this than with a pedicure, and I've only used it once so far.

I was once asked if I wanted to get my lip waxed. I was a bit shocked since I'd never considered that something I needed before. I still don't feel it's an issue for me. But what is funny is that I check my upper lip all the time now.

Drama Mama said...

I'm waiting for my ship too-
I do get pedi's though and the girls always fuss at me there because I have a tendency to mess with my feet- I have a ped egg but I'm not sure I like it???

Jeanette said...

I had to read your post to my girls. My oldest and I had pedicures today too and we totally enjoyed it. We did not get yelled at and the girls really pampered us. Course, I go in every other week to get my nails done so that may make a difference. I'm not sure I would let that lady near my face!

Hugs!

Kelli said...

I'm afraid to think of what that lady would have said to me...my feet are in such bad shape. I've never done the eyebrow wax either. I've always plucked...boy! I would be in trouble.

Heather said...

Been there; done that! WAY too many times! I don't know why I keep going back. Every time I go, I leave asking myself that question. It has to be the fact that without waxing, I would have two giant caterpillars crawling across my forehead! The tweezers just aren't enough!

wyndesnow said...

I had my last manicure, pedicure and massage almost a year ago. That experience was a good experience. However, I have had bad experience's. Like the time I thought I would have my eyebrows threaded (the pain is undescribable and I couldn't stop sneezing). Nope, as much as I love the pampering, I just continue to do it at home, no one yells at me there.

Rachel said...

And that is why I don't allow myself to be "pampered!"

jennifer said...

I am actually too embarrassed to go get a pedicure.

That bad.

Jen

MommyGirl said...

The last time I had my brows waxed (I was needing to feel slightly groomed and frivolous) she asked me if I wanted my lip done. You are not alone! I loved reading your posts!

Anissa Mayhew said...

These women are masters at salesmanship because they hit where women are most sensitive. They can make you leave feeling like you are less than when you walked in and I hate that. I found a salon that I met a woman who does my occasional pedicures and I told her flat out "don't insult me or tell me the million other things I need to have done. I don't have the time or money and if you're nice to me I'll come back when I do."

She hasn't and I have. It's a great relationship.

Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates said...

That is hilarious, though I would have been very scared of her. Too bad you didn't have some sort of great comeback - maybe you could think up a list now...

I will admit, I have only had one pedicure and have been wanting one lately, but am too embarrassed by my feet to go - I would need to give myself a good pedicure in order to go have one done! :)

Jennie said...

Back in the two income days, I got regular mani/pedis in a little shop. It's been two years since I've been in and I went in for a pedicure a while back. I kid you not, my regular girl got up and hugged me! As she's doing my toes, she looks at me and says, "You know, I thought you found another shop, but I can see you didn't."
Ouch.