tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8095068418828488278.post1417406194266175992..comments2023-11-28T04:49:21.046-06:00Comments on We Are THAT Family: He Said/She Said (7): Warning SignsKristenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02608199440254905212noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8095068418828488278.post-85527411738202161862010-02-28T12:39:22.719-06:002010-02-28T12:39:22.719-06:00we are in the middle of the battle for our marria...we are in the middle of the battle for our marriage over the same issue. we are on round two and though there was supernatural forgiveness and oneness restored the "first" round, i am feeling so hurt and shamed this second time. and sometimes even Godly men who have repented and are fighting lust with their whole heart, have "another round". oh that we could defeat the enemy once and for all! but Jesus did--didn't He?!i guess we will await heaven for that. anyway, i have intentionally prayed and forgiven and worked against fear and bitterness and shame. my husband HAS repented and is doing all he can to earn back trust. but i still weep after we come together. weep for what is not--will never be again. innocent, pure, faithful, true. i still fill dread and shame and insecurity wash over me at odd times (when we are out in public and he puts his arm around me and looks at me with love--weird, i know.)but as i was struggling with those feelings and trying to make them go away and PRAYING and pleading with God to restore our relationship...i thought that maybe forgiveness isn't a once done thing--maybe it is a continual obedience even when i don't feel like it. maybe i need to lay myself down and spread my arms wide and embrace all of this--hurts, disappointments, betrayal, dirt, smudges, and shame--all of it. and know that He is God. He can use it all, He WILL use it all for His good. I don't need to have all the forgiveness "feelings" or be free/healed/instantly removed from all the consequences from his sin right away. maybe it isn't just a nice tidy thing. maybe it is messy and burnt and ugly. maybe God will bring beauty out of it all despite us--weak, fallible, forgetful and flawed as we are. maybe? is there hope? i believe, help me with my unbelief Lord. it is so hard so hard so very hard in the trenches just now.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8095068418828488278.post-92158665165783529462010-02-26T08:32:50.380-06:002010-02-26T08:32:50.380-06:00Andrea-I emailed you with some encouraging words.Andrea-I emailed you with some encouraging words.Kristenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02608199440254905212noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8095068418828488278.post-34212422404268588512010-02-26T08:31:08.333-06:002010-02-26T08:31:08.333-06:00Andrea, the trust comes over time...if he is WILLI...Andrea, the trust comes over time...if he is WILLING to do what ever it takes!! In our case my hubby appeased my every insecurity, he was willing to do what ever it took every day to make ME feel comfortable, to make me feel that TRUST again. It certainly didn't happen over night, and took a long long time, but day by day it got easier and easier to trust him again. But THE BIGGEST SINGLE factor was, he did NOT fight any of it, he did what ever it took to put my mind at ease.<br />I don't think you can really build the trust again with out that kind of commitment from him.<br /><br />(posting anonymously because I haven't really shared much of this part of my marriage)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8095068418828488278.post-84482821470998667142010-02-25T19:49:32.055-06:002010-02-25T19:49:32.055-06:00Because of past history I struggle with the trust ...Because of past history I struggle with the trust issue every single day. I hate it! I want to trust so bad but I am afraid to get comfortable again and be hurt. <br /><br />How do you overcome it?Andrea Hatfieldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17726723228556023692noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8095068418828488278.post-42530043524248182342010-02-25T14:22:08.435-06:002010-02-25T14:22:08.435-06:00If your husband cheats on you, porn is the least o...If your husband cheats on you, porn is the least of your problems.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8095068418828488278.post-15920397148615457242010-02-25T12:36:45.564-06:002010-02-25T12:36:45.564-06:00In my oppinion, in a marriage relationship, privac...In my oppinion, in a marriage relationship, privacy is not part of the equation. An exception to this is if you do not want to know all of the details AND your husband is actvely involved in accountability group. <br /><br />I have given Kristen the right to ask me about this situation or any other issue any time she wants. I believe this does three things: 1. It maintains intamacy 2. It builds trust 3. It gives my wife security (one of the deepest needs for a woman)<br /><br />Lastly, my deepest desire is to honor Christ. When I am open with my wife, I am honoring Him and my marriage. (see Ephesians 5:25-33<br /><br />We are praying for you,<br />TerrellAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8095068418828488278.post-28961520966146323342010-02-25T10:27:07.572-06:002010-02-25T10:27:07.572-06:00So here's my question... when does it become O...So here's my question... when does it become OK for the husband to desire some privacy again? <br /><br />If the wife is still insecure about "it" even after she feels she's forgiven, but still wants the ability to check up on him every once in a while, and he throws it back in her face that she's not letting it go, when does that privacy come back?<br /><br />When does the wife need to "let it go" and "move on" if she's seen significant improvement.<br /><br />Just like you said that you woke up insecure 4 years ago. Seems like there should be a statue of limitations or something lol :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8095068418828488278.post-40432806406589885602010-02-25T08:28:41.141-06:002010-02-25T08:28:41.141-06:00I am inspired, encouraged, thankful, and AMAZED at...I am inspired, encouraged, thankful, and AMAZED at how raw, honest and true you & your hubby are in this series. You are doing a wonderful work together to glorify God and the sacredness of marriage. I pray that other couples are blessed by every intimate story that you share here. Thank you and God bless yall! <br /><br />PS: I noticed his weight loss right away - great job!mama hallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13057573772895689553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8095068418828488278.post-46640464265055210972010-02-25T07:41:53.513-06:002010-02-25T07:41:53.513-06:00I'm commenting anonymously because it's no...I'm commenting anonymously because it's not my husband but my son who struggles with this. I distinctly remember finding a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue hidden in his room when he was about 15--I laughed, even thought it was "cute", my little boy was growing up. Now I realize that was only the beginning and here we are 13 years later with him still fighting those demons that were awoken back then.<br /><br />He married last August and I was praying that would be the end of it. Going through this series with you has helped me know that the battle is never over. One day when the time is right, I'll share your words with my precious son. I've already shared them with a friend who is in your shoes but whose husband doesn't think he has a problem.<br /><br />Thanks to both of you for your honesty and courage. God bless.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8095068418828488278.post-17716979294500698442010-02-25T03:45:04.791-06:002010-02-25T03:45:04.791-06:00Kuddos to both of you in doing this. While this h...Kuddos to both of you in doing this. While this has not been a problem in my marriage, I have been following the series. <br /><br />I found this week's vlog especially useful, as my dh and I sometimes help parents with their teenage sons. The jpeg search idea is a good one. I just thought I'd add that you may also want to search for tif and gif files. Most computers can resave images as different types than their originals (I sometimes do this with my photos just to make the files smaller), and it is very easy to do with any image editing software.<br /><br />Way to go on the weight loss, too!Harperhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13976054517657015951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8095068418828488278.post-79178587789643601652010-02-25T01:47:27.273-06:002010-02-25T01:47:27.273-06:00I thought his face looked thinner! Go him!I thought his face looked thinner! Go him!Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12459933378672165620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8095068418828488278.post-37973555732207703712010-02-25T01:03:13.646-06:002010-02-25T01:03:13.646-06:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8095068418828488278.post-71162950431623423502010-02-24T23:13:46.888-06:002010-02-24T23:13:46.888-06:00SO thankful for you two and what you've done w...SO thankful for you two and what you've done with this series. My prayer has continually been that this would stir communication between spouses and be the catalyst toward healing, redemption, forgiveness and true intimacy. The Lord works magnificently through such transparency!Ashleigh Bakerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13165168699541078649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8095068418828488278.post-70536967074139611832010-02-24T21:43:54.099-06:002010-02-24T21:43:54.099-06:00Wow, brave husband. KUDDOS for taking this on and ...Wow, brave husband. KUDDOS for taking this on and many blessings!Pathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02727182861271334198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8095068418828488278.post-81499819674792653362010-02-24T21:18:39.491-06:002010-02-24T21:18:39.491-06:00huge problem in our marriage last year. a battle ...huge problem in our marriage last year. a battle for sure.thatgirlblogshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10099875745851363649noreply@blogger.com